Thorned Roses of Illier

A fond farewell to Granado Espada

2008-01-13T12:21:00.000+08:00

Dear readers,

Marta and I sincerely apologise for the sudden redirection of our RP efforts followed by inactivity. Much has happened after Christmas which have changed our interests in life and for each other, and so have we retired from public light.

This blog was created for our own personal development and as a medium of communication should real-time measures fail. For that it has served us admirably, and so in this state shall it be preserved for all who stumble across this small dusty book in the vast archive of the Internet.

To those who question the beginning of our lives together, know this - there is no point believing in myths and trends regarding the Internet no matter how tempting is it to label it "BAD" or our interests "LAME". An influential tool was made available for me to provide assistance for the needy and I did so for I wished another not to suffer my horrid coming of age years as I learned to spread my wings and fly.

That time may be long past.. but I still remember everything. And I have the power to prevent the repeat of history that occurs far too often for that insulting indifference and complacence prevailent in modern society.

If you see a potential problem, engage and prevent it.
If you see a friend in need, go and help. That is why you are a friend.
Lying to yourself by pretending nothing is going on simply proves that your manhood is pretty much inexistant. That is all.

Three months ago I was but a slave to society who had long forgotten his identity from living in the corporate rat race that is "all talk no action". Today, I am but the humble servant of a noble princess who not only appreciates all the time I spent on her (it is considerable, I assure you), also uses her newfound knowledge and power to guide my development as an adult.

I once said that our roles would be reversed... and this year shall be a life made anew for her as well.

I will just close this blog with the following statement.

It may have been a long and painful quest mending your broken wings, my angel, but all that was lost for your sake has paid itself off a million times over. I will always remember you, should anything unforseen happen, as the woman who transformed herself from helpless to reigning queen in three short months... by simply daring to fight the lies and horrors of her past.

And you did it yourself!

Long time without writing

2008-01-11T18:22:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile i dont come here

due to lack of words and stories

but now a reall life begins

with you at my side

on a new world

u made me really happy

this last days

i know sometimes i was stuck

but now i am not any longer

"The Once Broken angel descended from the sky , dared to fight her fears from past again

along with her new friend that came from the flames of hell, she changed him and he did the same , are now departing to another world , close to her heart, along with her he helped on the blockades that were blocking her way to fly again to her home . "I Came to erase my sins and to erase my past memories and im ready to make new ones "

"The no longer broken heart angel is flying home with her friend of their path .....

"She in return said thank you for beeing there for me , wherever u go ... i go to .."

We can only trust ourselves

2008-01-04T04:09:00.002+08:00

They did not care last year when time and time again they ignored my silent pleas for help against discrimination. Nor did they stop to think about the utter stupidity of sending a patrol unsupported into a high threat gang infested neighborhood. So I am really glad that we are somehow still here for one another. But where as children we are bound to our elders commands as adults now we are responsible for more than just ourselves. We have no obligation to follow foolish directives and if they do not wish to see our rationale then it is our god given right to make them learn before more people die for their incompetence. Have no fear of taking control for that is what we should do to protect those who rely on our skills, my queen. And so this way we shall control our fate and ensure that we see each other at the end of each day with a clear mind that says... I know you will be back, you are doing everything you can to return to my side. Know this my desert rose: I only pray for one thing each day and that is your health.

We can only trust ourselves

2008-01-04T04:09:00.001+08:00

I will never let you go.

2008-01-02T18:31:00.000+08:00

What ever caused you to act like you did yesterday, I beg that it would never end. I never danced with anyone before too, but amazingly we did not stumble upon each other.

I have a little surprise for you. Now you can send me messages anywhere, anytime, and it won't cost me a single cent. So my love, you will never be alone again.

I could not let you go too.

2008-01-01T16:20:00.000+08:00

Dear Marta, I would confess that many a time I wished to leave you too but everytime was hurt by you something forced me to wait for you to return. I suffered so much for you in the hope that you would pass me some of the pain you bear in your heart and soon I realised that I had bitten off more than I can chew. But still I stayed, for I believe you deserve a life that respects that sharp beauty and regal voice which I love so much, not treated like everybodys doormat just because you prefer to keep to yourself. Now I would reward my reigning queen with anything she wants and you are well worth it too! You have the initiative to think of others too and so I never questioned your decisions. I trust you with all my secrets since we started our courtship and unlike any other, you honoured the deal. And in return I will forever be faithful to you.

A new Year . A new life .

2008-01-01T09:18:00.000+08:00

My dear , friend

first of all Happy new year

i wish u the best of everything

best of luck

and with alot of good things

and health

I wont ever forget of wath u did for me

last year

u said i saved you

but u were the one who saved me in the end

where everyone left me

even so my heart told me to not let you go

and it was right and now i understand why

This year it will start a new life

a happy life i hope

and im sure it will be

as long u are there for me like im going to be there for u

when u feel down

i wont ran way from my destiny

if the other lost their lifes for me

to keep living

u and i will live and continue their legacy

See you soon :)

So it begins this New Year

2007-12-31T23:08:00.000+08:00

If you would be my loving wife Marta, I would be your loyal husband for all eternity. Never will I stray from the path of the light, for we both know firsthand the price of following the devil.

I would quit my favourite hobby of horse racing just for you my love... so that you may live free from worry. And my work days as a facility manager gives me plenty of time to write to you.

Yes, I inhabit a different body, but I am the same person who rescued you from that horrid life of a waitress to grant you a profession of honor and responsibility that I knew you would enjoy.

Our meeting will come sooner than later, my desert rose. Somehow, we will find a way. And I will be there waiting for you. And you'll recognise me a mile away :)

Finally. My wish a decade old has come true. I hope it is the same for you as well.

A confident asnwer ..

2007-12-31T20:26:00.000+08:00

I allways wanted to be by your side , i loved you

but u were once married with a son , so i lost my courage to tell you my feeling for you

even so u tooke the bullet instead of me and u saved me and i felt my life was going to collapse

i never trusted anyone than you

u taughted me so much and i wanted to thank you for everything

but God tooke u away from me before i say that

u were very dear person to me the most kind men i ever knew

But maybe God toughted u deserve a second change on the living world

i dont care if u are in a different body or not

i want you , to be here with me

even if i have to search you im sure i will find u someday

in this world

I miss u and i want you .

so i will say yes to your question

YES i want to be your wife

I want to see the kind smile on your face again

Until we meet again

I still remember the song we loved and i still love that song

"Somewhere Only We Know"

I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me?

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we goSomewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?

Your last chance to say no, Marta

2007-12-31T14:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Marta, there is something I wish to warn you about as your friend and brother. You may know this already and you can say that I am a nag but I would like to give fair warning of my intentions. This new year brings much new hope for us both and I have helped you a lot in securing a proper life for you yet what I do is still incomplete. I have not yet cured the wounds of your broken family and your lost friends. Yes I know what you are thinking. That it is impossible for me to survive that fatal bullet that I took to save you. The only thing on my mind then was to save you. You do not deserve to die. You have so many years to live. Please dont let her die, I begged the Lord, take me instead. And so it happened, and He creator of all mankind gifted me with this new body in order to continue my mission in this world, so rife with sin that such as I give their lives to try and make a difference against the forces of Satan. To show the world of Man that righteousness shall always prevail over temptation. Five short weeks was all it took for my return to this world. i have seen many things and learned many more during my eternal patrol. And most of the time in coma I dreamt of you. I know what you are going through and I am well prepared to fight by your side once again. Never have I felt so confident in helping you build a new future... But it is only courteous to ask your permission. Would you, Marta Alexandra, have this man who cheats death as your husband so that I might undo what wrongs that have been unfairly dumped on you? You know me. I will not accept failure. Nor will I see my daughter being ill treated by those who call themselves men but only in species. You are much more 'manly' than those moral cowards. Imagine that!

A new life for someone more than a friend.

2007-12-31T12:44:00.001+08:00

Marta you had your reasons for rejecting me and I respect them. I am very proud to be your friend as time and time again you prove to be a mature and responsible lady who is not afraid to voice her opinion to defend her rights. You are a very different person from the time I met you and your current troubles with me arise from you exercising your newfound confidence and authority. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes and causing people hurt. All good leaders rise to prominence that way. It is through those teething troubles and through the will to presevere through those difficult times that you will develop your character. So dont be afraid, you may use me as a learning resource anytime! By the way we have gone so far that anyone who has an interest in social support would be amazed by how far we went. It is truly a wonder, the human mind that another who understands may heal it of all its wounds with time. I am not a psychaitrist but as my first and most successful patient I will remember you always. Yes you heard right. I believe that what we do to support each other may be used to assist those with similar issues in life as well. You may not notice it but your psychologist (me!) frequently asks your help too! Having experienced some of what you went through in life yesterday made me a cold and offensive person but you brought me back in good time and am thankful to have you at my side always. I will tell you now that the new year will be very different. I would also like to attempt increased responsibility to remedy the last of your current troubles but I shall need your help in playing that role. We are rushing things but we have the experience and the mutual understanding to make it work.

I did it again ......

2007-12-31T06:44:00.000+08:00

Here i am again , writing this , trying to trow up everything that is stuck on me

its so hard, for me saying this things and see my only friend suffering for my mistakes , i keep doing bad things and i ...really dont want to be like this but sometimes i cant fight it alone like i used to fight ...when i lost my friends i toughted well now it will be hard and in the end i will die from my own mistakes and sorrows , but my destiny changed somehow and i must thank you for that , u keep seeing things i cant see my self becouse im blind from past where i was rejected by so many ppl ... after this months i could smile again and trust again in ppl .... i really know how is to be lonley ...and i dont want to be like that and kill my self ...

and i know to this days i have been to much selfish and i only could think on me and not for the ppl around me ....why is it so hard for me to realize that in time.. ppl say i think to much and its true some of my memories i cant forget in one blink .... and i really dont want to hurt my only friend that i have now .....the one who cheer me up when im down and listen all my dark secrets

i really ...i really dont want ....

i really dont want to lose my best friend .........i dont want to end up alone again without no one to talk .......i......i........

im scared to be ending like that .....even if u r far away from me u r still close to me here on the place i cherish u the most .....

Forgive me .......i may not making sence

i really felt bad playing on your feelings ......i should have told u wath i was thiking from the first moment

I just ....hope u can be still my friend ....

i have nothing more to say ....that was the things i couldnt say when i was with u .......im sorry

Thank you

2007-12-30T15:58:00.000+08:00

Carmen you wont be rid of us so easily. Youre very dear to us and we need each other too. And I will never be bored of your beautiful voice singing in my ear. I know you are not comfortable with such flattery and thats why I shower you with praises. Youre really very beautiful and you should not be living that cruel life of your past that gives you this horribly low self esteem. That is what we are here to correct and we hoped you enjoyed your time with us last night. I would wait forever for the honor of your warm breath in my ear again, Varghese says.

No longer in silence ....

2007-12-29T20:17:00.000+08:00

Dear Rosa , and varghese

i dont know wath happend yesterday to me , i realized my mistakes ...i also realized i was soo cold towards u sister and u my love , maybe i was having a bad day or its my tiressness speaking trought me , i was stuck on my emotions i couldnt feel anything or think or express my self , some part of me told me they are worried about me and wath i give for them nothing becouse for now i am a cold bitch i cant give them wath they deserve my head wasc really heavy and my heart to i was completly stuck .....

Rosa , Varghese im so sorry ...i dont want to have more discussions with my favorite sister and u my love im so sorry to i .....hope u 2 can forgive me in time ....But today after a good night of sleep i feel better and refreshed ,today i can think on wath i did yesterday and i could see how cold i was .....plz i hope u both forgive me ......

Help

2007-12-29T17:32:00.003+08:00

Rosa here. Today I realise the hard way that trust is foolish. I am good. I can prove it each day at work. And this makes me nothing but livestock to the eyes of any employer without a strong moral backing. It appears that even the security industry is not secure in its own ethical footing despite its huge responsibility. I am now a villian because I dare to speak up in the name of justice and pride for what others trained me so hard to achieve. But sister I will not run away this time. My conscience is clear and I feel naught but strength in protecting those who trust me with their safety. So Carmen please be there in my moment of need for you are my only pillar of hope. I am so sorry to cause you so much hurt last night I should respect you more. You are not my dog... That is what learned today. And that is my gift and apology to you.

In distress

2007-12-29T17:32:00.002+08:00

In distress

2007-12-29T17:32:00.001+08:00

Varghese is concerned

2007-12-29T14:38:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen, I am sorry to hear that you had a quarrel with Rosa last night. She isnt taking it well and has been very quiet today keeping to herself. She has not been eating too. Would you please tell me what happened that would make her like this? Its sad to see my sister like that and I wonder at your own health as well. i know that I have no business meddling in the ladies affairs but please... We have limited time together as it is lets just enjoy it.

Varghese work day blog

2007-12-28T17:47:00.001+08:00

While my first day at work was incredibly boring, a combination of social networking, on the job training coupled with prior experience with managing crisis situations have made this day a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Perhaps I should not be so cynical - today the colonial residence I am charged to protect had a major shortage in defense capability due to the captain and our best officers being absent. So on the third day of my new duties I suddenly find myself taking on the role of assistant site supervisor. Due to the aforementioned manpower shortage I had to face great physical challenges running to keep up with events and sheparding foreign contractors to their assigned places of work. As the most physically and socially well endowed person on the team it is my responsibly to lead and instruct them. Unlike that disappointing spell in restaurant management though, this job pays extremely well for the fun I get running my own show and juggling with my favourite responsibilities: people management and public relations. It does help that I now have a beautiful wife who appreciates whatever I do for a living too!

Florence post ^~

2007-12-28T13:03:00.001+08:00

Hi you all should know me. Or else, find out or I will be a bit pissed. Most of you wouldnt be here if not for my little acts of heroism in Tetra during the initial scouting efforts. I am not surprised that the underground facility has still not been secured. Pioneer managers should pay more heed to respecting native property and cooperate with them instead of thinking the world is theirs for the taking from so called divine authority that is created by the blasphemy of a selfish Church. I am a witch due to such lack of religious morality and I am proud of it. Here in the New World freedom is indeed a common virtue.

I am touched.

2007-12-27T13:39:00.000+08:00

Carmen I will make this short. I waited for you for a long time; ever since I was old enough to think for myself I yearned for another who would appreciate my ideals of life, that trust would be mutual and understanding constantly sought and challenged. I think that way because for years I have lived in a world of deceit and exploitation and was forced to learn for myself how to survive in it. I was tempted many times to fall from grace forsaking righteousness for acceptance yet my own conscience would stop me every time. It is a cruel battle i wage with myself all these years for I had no one to trust. Ultimately it was a battle worth fighting. Because I have you. And you make me feel emotions again. My days are filled with joy and wisdom because there is someone there waiting for me at the end of the day. Now I will ask that dreaded question that has never appeared in my mind before: Carmen will you marry me?

A christmas that i will never forget ...

2007-12-27T08:18:00.000+08:00

Dear Varghese,

I will never forget about our last night

You made me a different woman and you made my christmas happy

like i never had for years

Thank you for always believing me and for always comfort me when im down

u say that u give just a litle and thats not true

by staying with me u Do help me alot on my path

i tried to fight my past with your help your kind words that keep helping me on my future

I might not be making sence now , but i dont want u to let u go to

You are now part of my life wherever u want or not

i just wish on this new year be a better person to you my love

u deserve so much

i just hope tath i can give u alot than last night gift

i just need to find the courage and strenght once again

but this time will be different

becouse i have you with me

You toke always care of me even i didnt looked at you when we were youngers

i never found your heart on that time

but now it makes sence why did u always kept near me and healed my wounds when i used to fall down

And the reason i survived was ... you

i still remember the day your mom scolded you by saying

keep near carmen she is very speciall for your future( Had a dream like that -_-)

i have nothing more to say just this .

I hope that u can be still with me this year !

And keep helping me like i will try help you

and yes i enjoyed very much our Christmas Night

WITH LOVE .....CARMEN

A pleasant Christmas

2007-12-27T04:08:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

I have always believed that you must have the strength to shed the fears of your troubled past so that you might live your life to the fullest, and what a great life lays ahead of you! So I was very happy, yesterday, to have witnessed you simply be yourself, the proud woman that I have always admired all these years.

I believe we no longer have to meet on such a frequent basis - you know everything that I do, well, almost everything, that you're going to live a similar life like myself free from all the pain and sorrow that have bogged you down these years. Now that you know how to manage and prevent those situations you can concentrate on developing yourself in the future.

I know it sounds strange, but by just being here with me, you make me learn the same things that I teach you. I still cannot believe how you trust me so much (and I give you very little in return) and so willingly... but I also acknowledge that you do not take commitments lightly and that trust is exclusive to myself. And that is why, I will never let you go, love of my life.

Last night you gave me a tremendous Christmas present, I've never had such a lovely and meaningful gift before. I hope that you enjoyed mine, too, and may we be together like this in a year's time.

I assure you, things will be very different then.

In Memory Of my GrandFather..

2007-12-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

Tree Years has passed

and i still miss you ...Grand Father why did u leaved me ...when i needed the most..You were the one who cared me the most ...i miss you ...everyday .....but today ...i miss your embrace ... i miss your warm words ....the ones who confort me when i was down...the ones who made me calm when dad beated on us ...i keep suffering in silence .....remembering the day u saved me from dad ...came drunk and tried to kill me..... i miss u ......but...for you ..........i shall keep living...

Wherever your are ....i hope u are oki .....this song ....its for you .....

Rest in piece .......i love u ...

"Remember When It Rained"

Wash away the thoughts inside

That keep my mind away from you.

No more love and no more pride

And thoughts are all I have to do.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained

Felt the ground and looked up high

And called your name.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.

In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.

Tears for you that will not dry.

They magnify the one within

And let the outside slowly die.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.

I felt the ground and looked up high

And called your name.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.

In the water I remainRunning

Running down

Updated Orders

2007-12-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

Before I go these are our second pioneer teams' taskings.

1) Regular patrols to be maintained at Al Quelt Moreza to Tetra Hills areas ("Midnight Express" route) to maintain trade security. Attempt to assist convoys or pioneers in distress.

2) As soon as able, continue subduing native activity in the Tetra region. So long as we are on the offensive they will not be able to raid Porto Coimbra. Centres of resistance are to be identified, localised and destroyed in order to keep them in disarray. Illier's small population does limit its military power considerably so exercise extreme caution especially when engaging the demons underground.

3) Coordinate operations, if possible, between Shenmui and Sivarja second teams, although the pace of operations is not to be compromised if coordinated deployment if not possible.

3) Aim for a Feburary rendevous with the main teams currently deployed to the Auch theatre of operations.

That is all. Rosa out.

Dear varghese Dear Rosa Until we meet again..

2007-12-25T18:46:00.000+08:00

Dear varghese ,

Im really happy for you and Rosa

You , my love and you my sister

Be sure to eat well and rest well to

"Rosa and varghese Fight until the end Never give Up Never Surrender"

i shall take care of your new guys along with mines ^^

I will train them , with the guardian Adelina and Soon her Brother Lorch ( i hope )

we to found two new members during our patroll mission on AQM.

A new female scout called sasha, she was sick and we tooke her in to our family , she was poisoned with Zebra-Eaters poison , And a new Muskuter Called Max he lost his parents during Valears War , Adelina found him on Elephant coast fainted on very bad conditions , she tooke he in to ..Well sister i hope i can receive more letter from you and my dear varghese be carefull ..

ROSA VAGHESE UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

With love Carmen And Vanir..

Deployment

2007-12-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

Starting tomorrow Varghese and I will be deployed on our first assignments at various locations along the Coimbran coast that we may not disclose due to national security issues.

On Monday we passed our examinations with flying colours no small thanks to you who provided an alternative means of training from the use of actual cases as examples to learn from.

From our ability to write our own doctrines and procedures for police assessment (and the assessor was very pleased with our work!) we have become very respected security officers that are unlike any other so a successful career is not a problem.

We have also made a new friend, Selva who has a long background in hotel management who has also made a move to this line for his future prospects. I expect I will be working with him in future, to build a better life for us all overseas. I am not the one who made that proposal - I will see how it goes.

Do not worry too much sister, we will continue to see you daily, just that our time together will be more constrained by operational requirements. But you will be starting your vacations soon, and we have plenty of time then!

When we are absent please feel free to approach our fencing trainer Florence if you need anything; I've appointed her as our representative.

with love,
Rosa Sivarja

Nothing to apologize my Dear varghese

2007-12-22T04:27:00.000+08:00

Dear varghese u dont have to apologize

to me , i had so much fun this days i cant desbribe on words

well i will say like this

u keep my day happy on this raining days

and every bit i spend with u its so much fun

to be able to be with you is enough to me

P.S_sorry about the small post

i dont have anything more to saY ^^

Missing You

2007-12-21T18:21:00.001+08:00

Dear Carmen,

I apologise I was unable to entertain you last night; I was exhausted from the week's training and our upcoming examinations do not help the matter much.

On our new careers I will just tell the truth; Rosa and I prove to be very capable in our new roles due to our past experience assisting both domestic and military parties with various troubles. A lot of people are trying very hard to compete with us, but we simply do not have the time or energy to bother with such childish jealousy.

You probably have a lot of things to teach us this weekend, and we look forward to once again spending time with you who brought us to this industry in the first place. We would like you to know that we have no regrets leaving our past behind.

Now all that matters is not being overconfident with ourselves and flunking the entrance exams!

Love,
Varghese

Rosa & Varghese Police Story

2007-12-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

Varg and I are doing very well in our training and because we learn so fast we are given the authority to make sure our less gifted students attain the same level as us.. well they must because the entrance examination to the Porto Coimbra paramilitary security forces is held on Friday and Saturday. Some of our class are going for these time slots because they will be away for Christmas next week.

Ours are on monday and we are going to tackle two examinations in the same sitting, 3 hours of hell demonstrating our competence and knowledge to professional police trainers.

My class, Carmen... I can easily say it is the worst workforce ever in this new nation. Unwanted by anyone they have no choice but to join the security industry.

But under my training... they shall be the best. You will see. Not only am I capable of instructing others on technical skills, I can ensure they learn fast by training their personality and analytical skills as well. All I do is perfectly supported by my trainer (also police) who gives me professional guidance, nurtures my motivation and ensures I stay on the right path.

Tomorrow we are going to learn arrest of suspects and crime scene management skills. Let us hope we don't do the real thing anytime soon!

p.s.

I was training the team with the other senior students, when you dreamt of me. I am very honoured, my precious sister, to have such an important place in your mind.

A dream on a raining night

2007-12-19T18:59:00.000+08:00

Dear varghese and sister Rosie,

Last night i had a dream, it was a funny dream XD

i was on my work on the squad making an exam to the newbies

and i was called to the boss office..and he said

Ahhh!Good timing ... thanks for coming

i need u to help someone

then i looked at the front window

and i saw a new person

and toughted to myself

"Who is this person "?

i think i know him but i cant remember

then boss said : I need you to guide and help this person here

he is Sir Kenny from singapure police squad

he said he knew u so he asked me for your help

The days passed away and i helped him and one day on our day off

i was coming home and he asked me wanna come have lunch with me ?

And i said Hmn...sure i will show u the best place to eat ...

END

It happened again. What is wrong?

2007-12-18T07:13:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen.

I have no idea what is wrong. I might not have wanted to marry Vanir this early, but I tried to stage a little play so that I would end up agreeing to his proposal.

And you all just left me like that. Couldn't you tell me what is on your mind, like we discussed and agreed to so many times, to try and prevent such tragic events?

I get the feeling I will never see you again. Either that, or my heart twice broken today shall never recover.

Thanks for killing the one who loves you so much, who helped you through all these years in this realm. I will never commit myself to anyone again.

A warning

2007-12-18T03:32:00.001+08:00

Carmen.

It is best I just say this directly - I can't take it anymore.

Please... would you keep me informed, of your true feelings. So we at least have a chance to prevent such conflagrations in future before they become a problem? And it is a huge problem in our relationship.

It's unfair to me, to have to take all your abuse and still, kneeling before you, humbly beg for you to take my advice and hope to see you after work.

I was really trying to control myself there, alright? I could have done a hundred and one things to force you to be obedient to me and yes, prevented the problem, but I let you go and ruin my entire day... because I'm not that kind of person... I don't want to be like the others.

Please have mercy on me!

Im Still your Sister and friend..

2007-12-18T02:55:00.000+08:00

Dear.Rosa,

I wont leave you ..ever ..even if i toughted i could leave you to never return

i couldnt say no to this words

...Dont leave me ..

i was selfish ..and didnt realized how much i was hurting you

rosa forgive me ....i once again failed ..fighting my demons

and i almost quited again

but after the letter u wrote

i feel better and a litle more calm

*sighs*

i just wish to see u everyday ....

my friend wrote me this one

and i am giving this for you

becouse ...u changed me so much..made me fell human again

Because you are my friend
Because you are my friend,

my life is enriched in a myriad of ways.

Like a cool breeze on a sweltering day,

like a ray of sunshine parting glowering clouds,

you lift me up.

In good times, we soar,like weightless balloonsover neon rainbows.

In bad times, you are soothing balmfor my pummeled soul.

I learn so much from you;you help me see old things in new ways.

I wonder if you are awareof the bright seeds you are sowing in me.

I'm a better person for knowing you,so that everyone I interact withis touched by your good effect on me.

You relax me,

refresh me,

renew me.

Your bounteous heart envelops mein joy and love and peace.

May your life be filledwith dazzling blessings,

just as I am blessedby being your friend.

PS.Forever your Friend , Forever your confident Sister now ..and ever until the end ..

An Apology

2007-12-17T22:40:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

Sister you might have hurt me just now but what.... I did to you after was utterly despeakable. I don't know what got into me, maybe it was work exhaustion and the stress of weathering your emotional blows magnifiying to extreme proportions what tiny grieviances I have against you. I will never know, for I know I've just lost every bit of trust you have placed in me for good reason - I'm no better than the people we both despise and tread underfoot.

I'm a hypocrite, and I was unabashedly arrogant that I could help you, a person so different from myself facing different trials, by forcing you to adopt my ideals in life. That's what I ended up doing, and you just sat and cried like you never did in years... all for nothing... because I feel I'm worth nothing to you anymore.

If I am no longer your friend and sister, I accept your judgement.

Fearing for My Sanity ....

2007-12-17T19:01:00.000+08:00

I ... really dont know
wath happend yesterday
i felt like i was dying
my mom had an atack and i had to go to a hospital
with her
we went when u left
for work........i couldnt give u a note and i got pissed my self ......
i ........dont know waths going on with me .....
im sorry
if i hurt ...i know i hurt you ..........i can feel it .....i.......fell lost again.....
dont hate me becouse of that ..........my health is not that good too ........but dont worry ..
im going to ok.......Sorry for ruin your mood ......-_-

Fearing for my sanity,

I shed my shirt and tie,

Walked out on my rectitude

And waved myself goodbye.
I did precisely as I pleased,

Said only what was true;

Cared not a whit whom I might hurt

Or what debts might be due;
Chose my orbit on my own

And lived by my own light,

Hurtling through the gravities

That rule the lidless night;
Unknowing in my innocence

The iron laws that be

,And that the more

I worked my will,

The less I would be free.

Reply from Varghese

2007-12-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

You were great, thank you very much Carmen! And I never could have realised my downward spiral had you not opened my eyes to the world, that there are better things worth fighting for than merely being a slave to a society that pays no mind to rewarding its key supporters' contributions.

I wrote this letter for them to think about. I trust that they are at least, intelligent enough to recognise the lessons they have to learn in order to keep up with the New World's progress. This is not imperial Vespanola.

Don't be happy for me too soon my love, for I still have a constable's training to attend to next week. I will try my best, but if the unfortunate occurs please do not be surprised at my incompetence!

But I guess being a private policeman has been my life's true calling all along - I realised that in assisting you last week on your... secret admirer problem. I am glad my concept of an undercover operation worked out perfectly the first attempt, and am even more honoured to serve under your command in our extended family.

You can forget about me disappearing for weeks on end running the restaurant full-time 12 or more hours per day because they have "no staff". This new job entitles me 4 off-days per week in exchange for my commitment as a trained professional. I am very happy with my colleagues and manager, for they are all capable ex-military/police veterans.

I will see you soon my dear - for I have much to learn in this new life with you!

Copy of Varghese's resignation letter attached:

------------

Dear Sir.

As your humble servant for the past 1 year and 3 months I write to you to apologise for the problems I apparently seem to cause at my place of work recently.

Come next month my career would span 500 days in Cafe Konditorei and this is my first ever period of medical leave taken. In the past year I would go to work even when having fever or serious cough because I know that no one can take my place in the service crew and that I don't have enough vis to consult a doctor myself and continue to support my rental, bills and family. Luckily my family has provided me a fine steed or else public transport will be much slower and more expensive.

The horse is even used for regular despatch runs to other outlets in order to rapidly requisition stock on demand.

All this full-time commitment I realise is taken for granted, because just from one spell of medical leave I get accused of many things, leading to constant spam of my mailbox on my rest day. I never replied, I just about fainted on my bed when I reached home Tuesday evening. And I remember seeking TWO managers' permission to rest the day because of my worsening condition at work. I shouldn't have went to work after my fingers were badly cut at home while preparing food for my mother. I lost a lot of blood, and the wounds were not properly closed, yet I rode my horse to work through serious peak hour traffic jams on the Reboldeux to Porto Coimbra to make it for the 9-5 shift on Tuesday. Between overladen convoy wagons. High speed following Reboldeux infamous couriers from hell, holding the reins with on my right hand grand total of TWO working fingers.

I opened the shop and realised how bad my condition was; not only the dressing on my fingers were soaked through with discharge, it was painful when I touched anything and blood loss weakened me considerably. I reported this to the morning manager who was gracious enough to put me on service floor duty for lunchtime.

But even that was hell for it was a full-house period and I literally RAN the entire session holding the tray on my right arm and serving with the left. My arm was literally dead cramped (physician said nerve damage) and I couldn't use my hand at all so I supported the tray with my forearm.

After 2 hours of that I was gradually losing strength and realised if it went on like this.. I would eventually faint. Bar staff demanded I start topping things up for her, which I did with some assitance from our part time waitstaff, and since I could not contribute to service, I went to register today's in-stock.

All the while I realised that as soon as it was not busy, everyone gathered around the cashier area talking including the managers.

And so I waited assuming that when the night shift manager arrived my medical condition will be attended to. Fat hope. I was duly forgotten amid the merry making and I had to specifically instruct the manager on duty regarding the seriousness of my condition.

I made a tactical decision then. I can let my condition worsen until the point where I could not safely ride a horse, or I can transport myself to a clinic as soon as possible. Apparently it seems initiative is a four letter word to our management team, as I notice from the last 6 months of work.

Oh, and it was extremely insulting to finally have the medical chit and everyone started a huge hoo-hah regarding "management" of medical leave - that I should take the next day on medival leave so I can have a free holiday. I told them I didn't care, I needed aid right now, so removing me from another half an hour of suffering. Getting surrounded by 5 or 6 staff talking nonsense. Incredible display of professionalism. Not.

Finally I got my leave, and I could transport myself to any physician I wanted. Instead of nearby Merchant Street I picked Esparanza Way because it would be closer to the stables. This is a more practical choice than a long walk later considering my worsening condition. A matter that was later obviously misunderstood as my condition being not as serious as it was.

So there was peace, I hoped - the physician reassured me that since the cut had sealed itself I didn't have much to worry about besides infection and the effects of blood loss and nerve damage on my fingers leading to terrible feedback on my arms (as aforementioned in lunch peak period).

He graciously gave me 2 days off.. I was seriously down since the morning and I didn't lie to anyone. He was the first person who took my sufferring seriously and gave me correct medical advise.

And I returned home, had a small dinner, wrote to the shop regarding my situation, went to sleep... but next dawn I was greeted with the house servant dropping a vertiable pile of hate mail on my desk. Huh? I explained myself already.

Very gracious to treat a wounded man like a slave who has to serve until his death. I, by the way, never woke up until a very, very long time later the next day. And saw all the hate mail from various people on my desk demanding why I had 2 days medical leave. As though I was the doctor. If I were I wouldn't be working in a restaurant.

And thus I would like to tender my resignation with immediate effect, for it was never part of my ambition in the New World to sacrifice so much and be seen as nothing more than a doormat even after 400 plus days of loyal service. Not only did I go beyond the call of duty many, many times during my tenure in this fine chain of restaurants, I also promoted the good name of the Cafe to many family and friends including those disheartened by the high dropout rate of trainees in this company for my batch of interns (of 21, only 3 survive).

It appears that, and maybe a couple hundred customer compliments in a year isn't enough for my management, and so I have decided to sail forth for new horizons. I already am welcomed with open arms from some of our competitors in the restaurant business as well as companies of other trades.

Why should I tolerate more abuse from undereducated managers who do not know how to nurture their staff but use every means at their disposal to destroy them? Oh, they won all right, I will let them win. Because this war isn't worth 950 vis a month - if the same treatment were to be bestowed on all our staff (and I am a fan of madame Florence my favourite trainer and her harsh and efficient methods!) then I am fine with it, we can see that the management team has a reason for being as they are. It creates a team of battle-hardened soldiers, in time. Just like my first year.

But now, I can say that I was under a lot of artificial stress ever since, long time ago, you mentioned my potential for promotion openly to my colleagues. It's quite charming, really, to be blamed for every single problem in the outlet and be ordered frequenrtly to do things that I never had any training for, or rather, half-hearted training that leads to the trainer disappearing for some social activities in the kitchen later, never following up with practical sessions to hammer down the trainee's competence.

Finally after so many months I get to enjoy professional bar captain training, and even that, as I've feedbacked in HQ, degenerated to the trainer favouring the foreign students and constantly harrassing me during peak hour where initiative (translated to speed) is life. So don't blame me if I am a slow worker. No one ever notices when I go into "assault" mode in both the service floor and fountain duty.

And so, I shall take my leave, with sincere thanks to your guidance and leadership sir. It could have turned out as we intended it to be had our full-time veteran staffs not treated my potential and enthiusiasm as a threat to their very existence. They, I understand, would like to suppress certain trainees and develop others fully so they can have their own social club at work, and in time, an organisation based purely on perfect personal relationships with everyone thinking alike.

I shudder at the thought of working in such an organisation, stunted and boring as its genetic pool would be - no creativity and huge resistance to change. That's why I stopped learning once I got promoted to Supervisor!

Well, I think I shall go make myself a manager now! Farewell!

I'm not waiting 2 weeks. I've already waited almost 500 days for people to realise that we have to work together to make this business a success. And no, I can't be persuaded to return. Ever.

Yours Sincerely,
Varghese Sivarja (who was once trusting of this organisation to make his dreams come true)
Cafe Konditorei Reboldeux

Prayers...Were rewarded my dear ..Varghese..

2007-12-15T06:56:00.000+08:00

Dear Varghese

My wish did realized ...sooner than i toughted..

my prayers were for you and my family

Im really happy today

knowing that u fought for your dream

and fought the hell

Im really happy for you

Congratulations on your job :)

P.S- I hope u did enjoyed my massage ..*blushes*

Assault Leader

2007-12-12T17:39:00.000+08:00

Dear Vanda,

It was the most amazing battle today in the pioneering world, and I, your desert prince, was at the spearhead of it all.

Colonial intelligence have pinpointed several sources of native resistance hampering our expansion efforts and one of them was pinpointed to the Tetra Avernus area, a maze approximately a kilometre long originating from the Golden Road vaults.

As the nearest active policing force in the area Sivarja family was assigned to raid this target before the enemy moved. Being the close quarters combat (CQC) specialist of the party I was given the authority to plan for, equip, train and then execute the assault plan.

Since this is a CQC situation most likely against large numbers of demons I selected the classic longsword and shield combination, as there are times we needed to weather enemy attacks in order to ready our anti-demon grenades that Rosa so loves. Varghese, instead of standing by as the team's support medic, wielded daggers in support of the main attack; we could ill afford to be overwhelmed by demons if we could have an extra man with us fighting them. If teammates were injured he was simply called to attend to them promptly.

Carmen would be happy that he is a fighter as capable as myself!

As noted in our initial probing attacks, our standard defensive advance doctrine does not work in Avernus. There are just too many of them. Once you stop advancing, they swarm you. And did you notice? There are no rewards for killing many of them. So long as their leader is alive, they will continue to gather.

And so it was the 3 of us versus probably a thousand of them; I do not know, I would not care to count. Why we won is simply this - demons have no sense of community and spare no thought in supporting their fellow demon. So we could, once we took some combat drugs, sprint past them at what seems to be lightning speed and they'd give up pursuing us after a while leaving us clear to face the next vault of demons. The main concern we had was maintaining a reserve of firepower in order to protect us from unexpected tactical developments especially in this mission; attacks from behind. I did not want anyone shot in the back and that is where Varghese played his part - the reserve assault role that exploits enemy weaknesses once battle is joined. Otherwise he watched our rear ensuring we were not surprised. Cutting a bloody swath through demon hordes at lightning speed like Bristian storm troopers we soon found ourselves facing a magnificent golden-horned gargoyle, 20 feet of glistening, rippling solid muscle in the final cavern.

And unlike what anyone else would do we just turned our backs on him, advancing back along our entry route to clear away any demon pursuit, before attacking along the perimeter of the room slaying the demon lord's hapless servants like they were game animals. Eventually he had to get off his mighty throne looking for trouble and that's when we unleashed the full might of our team on him. See Rosa, a love for attention can be fatal!

I charged this monstrosity not caring for my safety, and ended up below the towering beast somewhat -ahem- between his legs. Maybe that's a vulgar trick, but it sure worked on the monster, who just about bent over trying to swipe me away. Not a chance. A few stabs at the lower abdomen and slashes to both thighs was all it took to permanently unbalance the huge humanoid, while Rosa's incendiary grenade launcher repeatedly found the gargoyle's head and Varghese's seemingly inexhaustible supply of throwing daggers impaled the creature's weak spots to devastating effect. He fell in less than a minute.

We returned to Porto Coimbra parading this huge golden horn on our shoulders, and two pioneers decided to join our cause just from seeing our triumphant return, unscatched from our trip to the gates of hell.

Brunie, estate agent, is an expert pistol duelist while Idge is a well known blacksmith who also gifted us a complete suit of armour for me. How sweet!

I hope that this quaint tale will entertain you until we get to meet, white cloud of my dreams.

- With Love

Fairuz

p.s. I know what you would tell me regarding consumption of combat drugs. I believe, with the right rehabilitation and detoxification methods after missions, that they are safe for use given responsible administration by trained personnel. They really save lives out there in combat with those mighty beasts.

For Fai From Vanda ...

2007-12-12T04:54:00.001+08:00

Dear Fai i had the most sweet dream..about two days ago...Inside of the dream i found you ..

With a black costume given by the queen ...that reflected the sunshine on your sweet face ..the sky was so bright ..and the queen came to congratulate us from driving the Phobiton Hords ..atempting to destroy Reboldoux and Port of coimbra..and as a gift she gave us a royal ship ..and you named the ship My Cloud ..After some hours after the ball...we went on a trip to the sea of elephant ...its was wonderfull...Then u held me in your arms while we are watching the sunset ...Ohhh i still remember my love.. i remember the colors .they were so beautifull that bring me tears to my eyes..After some time ..u held my hand and i looked at your eyes ...and you gave me a warm kiss...after that ..the dream ended and its was almost time for me to go for work :)

I wished ..that that dream didnt had to end *blushes*

Porto Bello to Auch Land Route Survey

2007-12-12T04:54:00.000+08:00

That was one long walk up the desolate coast of the Sea of Elephants through the region known as the Deserted Quay. It really is.

For anyone following this currently untamed route a large number of incendiary grenades and anti-armour weapons are highly desirable due to aggressive native activity. If you fought your way through them seeking to annihilate you will not win for they are very tough opponents, so do like we did and keep your momentum up by evading them with superior footwork; they are so slow you can run rings around them with ease. But stop to engage in a traditional defense and they will slowly surround you and that is fatal.

This is an old map of the region in the Orpesian language.

Now imagine a solo despatch on horseback through the area. I used to do that as a junior pioneer. While I am proud to be able to do high speed runs through such hazardous areas with ease, I am glad to have stopped doing so in the interests of risk management. We have, after all, the Leonardo Expreso today. In any case I did not want to disappear one day, Carmen, like the rest of your old friends.

May their souls rest in peace...

For Rosa..From Carmen :)

2007-12-12T04:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Rosa...this wath i feel about our friendship .

More Than Any-Thing

There’s always someone to support you

It's hard to give you

As much support And caring as I

like When we live so far apart

More than any-thing

I wish I could there now

To listen if you feel like talking

To go for a walk or a movie

If you feel like doing something

To get your mind off

what’s going on More than any-thing

I wish I could be there

To give you a big warm hug

Or to help you find things To lighten your spirit

Maybe even make you laugh

But even though I can't be with you now

I hope my caring Can cross the miles

That separates us and fill a special corner

In your heart with peace

With love from your dear sister Carmen ...

I'm ok

2007-12-10T15:32:00.001+08:00

And I am still here to serve my favourite sister.

Truth be told I never had someone like you always by my side, ever sincere and trustworthy. I am obliged to return the favour, like I've told you many times, even if I wanted to be unfair to you what would I gain from it?

I did not realise it was that time of the month for you and thought you were acting all wierd. Now I understand... and I'm sure that during my periods you would notice some changes in my behaviour as well.

It might be embarrassing to share such personal details openly but I believe we have nothing to hide from each other having gone through all this trouble to ensure that we would be, in one way or another, always available to each others' families should we need any help or good company no matter what we are going through in life.

I'm very honored that we can actually speak our minds to each other without fear of discrimination or other nonsense that literally degenerates our civilised world into a barbarian community. I would not think of sharing my life with anyone else but you Carmen.

Please rest well, I will visit you as soon as I can. While you recover from your fever I will help with training Adelina and Peter. I was very glad you attached Vanir to them as their mentor too, he was a great help to me yesterday. I hurt my fingers badly halfway through the training session but I'm fine now thanks to him. Call me a masochist but I enjoy such pains for it keeps me humble and appreciative of my present company.

As a closing note I would like to say that I'm really sorry if your high fever was caused by all your worrying about me... Know that I will repay you for every bit of everything you do for me, and I will not be satisfied with any other arrangement. I give credit where it is due.

p.s.

I really loved the verses you sent. Praytell who wrote it? It is truly a work of art.

Im Sorry Rosa...

2007-12-09T18:30:00.000+08:00

Dear Rosa....i ...once again failed to you my sister....

Its like the demon inside of me was controlling me........yes it was.....somehow i lost myself there

but thanks to you ...hes gone and im ok now....im sorry if i made you sad or angry ...i didnt mean to do that........im really sorry ......i had some flashbacks there .....and my tears started falling ..i couldnt controll them .......today i went outside and i meet a friend ..and he wrote me this .....to me ..and now i am giving this to you .........sister dont leave .....if i fail again call me to reason like u did yesterday....please......

I'm O.K.
I'll admit I'm slightly troubled
and there are times I'm downright sad
When I think back on things that happened
and some of those were really bad

But I'm O.K., I tell you truly
I'm alive, and that's alot
I'm better off than some old buddies
Yeah I'm alive, and they are not

There are times I dream about them
But mostly now, I only sleep
I'm telling you I'm doing fine now
Why should I think 'bout things so deep
I never cry, cause that's not manly

It's not the way that I was taught
And what the hell, it's all behind me
I've put aside just what we've fought
I can't remember all the reasons
There had to be some, I suppose

I do remember, for God and country
but it was more than only those
I lost some friends, for lofty reasons
and they are now forever gone

But I'm O.K., Yeah, I'm still living
But sometimes, God, I'm so alone.

Carmen I'm hurt bad...

2007-12-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

Please understand that I can't take much more emotional abuse any longer.

As a friend and your sister in arms I just would like you to know that I have no qualms sacrificing myself for you like this for it brings joy to me to help you with your pains, to be the one you can throw your blames and worries on so you do not have to bear those burdens in your heart.

But I feel really terrible after last night. It doesn't help that everyone's just avoiding me like that when I say I would like to talk.

Please understand, that I'm merely human, and I need you to live too.

I'm sorry if I'm being unreasonable, I cannot say anything else at this time.

Reply from Varghese

2007-12-09T00:34:00.000+08:00

Hello Carmen,

This is my first ever letter to you. I'm not very good with words so bear with me.

Well what can I say - Rosa told me last night about your past and I was shocked that the woman who wants to be with me had gone through so much suffering. I cannot imagine what a year of depression is like, nor the sorrow one feels after she had sailed half the world from love only to observe his funeral.

I cannot believe how you can survive all that and still remain the capable professional that you are. Or maybe, that's how you shield yourself from the cruelty of this world - to not have any feelings. Regardless, Rosa's sharing makes me respect you even more, for you've been betrayed so many times in your life by your former suitors and yet you dare to let me feel what it is like to hold a woman in my arms.

I've never experienced love before, but if I am worthy I would stay with you forever, you are that pillar of strength that I so desperately need to survive. And such a strong woman! It doesn't matter if you do not want me; I am content just having you our clan's guardian angel agains the horrors of this realm.

Call on me anytime Carmen my love, for hearing your sad tale has made me all but your humble servant for all eternity.

How I feel ......

2007-12-08T18:53:00.000+08:00

Ahhh dear sister, sometimes i dont understand myself, i try to fight my fears

and my sorrows, but i now realize it will be hard to fight them back , and sometimes i just .....want quit everything , and myself...maybe im not making sence , but thats is how i feel,

i tried many time to give up on my life , but somehow you changed me for better

beeing your friend ........is a blessing ....for a person that only had 4 friends, i just.....wished to strong like you ...call me crazy but its true , its like if i needed help before i meet you , and inside of me i scream for help , but no one could help me like hugo and cristina and you helped me , trough this game i gain a good friend that i trust the most now , i was once a person that couldnt trust on ppl , i was cold and selfish , but now im changed and i want to continue live every day more and more than anything else ....

"Time "

Time heals all pain

Time can bring you loss or gain

Time waits for none it seems

Time gives me time to heal

Time washes away the old

Time reveals things untold

Time can also cleans the soul

Time is all we need

Time can age you, make you or break you

Time can stand still

Time can flyTime is inevitable for you and for me .

I'm tired...

2007-12-08T02:33:00.000+08:00

Not so tired that I can't accompany my sister-in-arms in our day together, but because life for me had changed so much in a day that even I cannot believe my good fortune.

A simple change in how I viewed others enabled me to enjoy and be fully productive in this day of work in pioneering support. I know not what or where the changes were, but simply accepting criticism and challenges, justifying use of one's authority with results, and then sharing one's fruits of success with others allowed me to make many friends recently as opposed to my seemingly unchangable lone wolf stature.

In the past I could use authority as a weapon and successfully instruct others in my methods, but I lacked respect from society for being cold and reserved especially when they attempt to communicate with me. The result is a one-way flow of information which severely stunts the potential of individuals and organisations alike.

Just staying calm when challenged, and responding to it with lively wit and appropriate response suddenly makes me a good example to everyone; so is not making assumptions of others and stereotyping them based on some bad experiences in the past. Now I understand why leaders should be impartial. And first impressions are important - my innocent-eyed curious responses to strangers' first meetings today just about shocked them senseless because they expected just the opposite from one such as myself! Even if I will not partake in anything more than a professional working relationship with them it makes a huge difference if I appeared that I was willing to listen to what they have to say.

To cut the long story short I'm worried that I have to start dividing my attention between several parties; just now for instance I was teaching some of my staff how to ride - my past mounted despatch assignments deep into unfamiliar native territory has finally attracted desirable attention!

But I promise this sister, that even if I have to split my priorities, in our time together it shall be you and only you on my mind. After all, it is only fair, that if I hate being the target of halfhearted attention (as the other party doesn't know how to manage multiple conversations), that I devise countermeasures for such problems before they even think of raising their ugly heads. I'm not a part-time mentor, Carmen, and I learn as much from you as what I bestow upon your fine self.

I will just say that it took years to be able to write such a letter rebuilding my life after my coma.

p.s. Sivarja's surviving Cesario veterans Adelina and Florence will be arriving in Illier later today. We must be doing something good and proper here, for them to pick Illier instead of their dreamland Orpesia, as their retirement home! Although the two ladies were shifted to the rear lines a long time ago as administrative officers to preserve their knowledge for training new cadres of military pioneers, Florence remains our family's fencing master and should be able to boost our dueling capabilities significantly.

Rosa this is for you my Dear ...

2007-12-07T05:11:00.000+08:00

"In Her Eyes"

She stares through my shadow

She sees something more

Believes there's a light in me

She is sure

And her truth makes me stronger

Does she realize

I awake every morning

With her strength by my side

I am not a hero

I am not an angel

I am just a manMan who's trying to love her

Unlike any other

In her eyes I am

This world keeps on spinning

Only she stills my heart

She's my inspiration

She's my northern star

I don't count my possession

All I call mine

I will give her completely

To the end of all time

I am not a hero

I am not an angel

I am just a manMan

who's trying to love her

Unlike any otherIn her eyes I am

In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need

In her eyes time passes by and she is with me

I am not a hero

I am not an angel

I am just a manMan who's trying to love her

Unlike any other

In her eyes I am

______________________With Love Vanir _______________________

Hand of Sorrow

2007-12-06T11:00:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

This is for you and Fai. Meaningful versus for our clan's past, and Fai's as well. And it was good to fight by your side again in today's patrol mission to Porto Bello. I could not have handled that foul place alone.

Long ago he was but a slave trader on the Cesarian coast who fell victim to our anti-slaver patrols and Florence Sivarja out of rage for human immorality just about enslaved him in turn. Fairuz would prove to be a capable mercenary under our service and proved himself a trustworthy soldier many times yet we never made any effort to forgive his past and saw him as less than human.

For 5 years he endured this torture alone never uttering a single word of complaint, then when our families met Vanda Shenmui befriended him out of pity. I was very angry, to tell the truth, my man being spirited away like that, never will he be loyal to me again, I tried to separate them both but they just found more ways to evade my security to the point that he almost never slept and gradually became inept in his duties.

I should have just let him go then, but I insisted on putting even more artificial pressure and something just came alive in him; we fought and I came out the loser and well, I had to let him do what he wanted.

I don't mind speaking for myself as the villianess here, for I am too young to hold a post of leadership. Yet circumstances demanded it so I had to put up a strong front and just go ahead and dare to play my role for there is no other who can lead our clan in Illier; to build a new world for ourselves out of the ruins of the old.

Imperfect as I am, I learn... and I have to give credit to you, Carmen, for guiding me on the right paths.

So.. heres a dedicaton in thanks to you and Fairuz. And also the Los Condenados frontier infantry unit - 28 our of 30 military families simply perished in service to the Crown in the Cesario campaign.

And I admit we left many good friends out on the vine to die - Falencia, Ithlandos, many others. I killed them all. Didn't I Carmen... I'm no better than those we fight against.

-Rosa

--------------

Hand of Sorrow

Within Temptation

The child without a name grew up to be the hand

To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand

The choice he´d made he could not comprehend

His blood a grim secret they had to command

He´s torn between his honor and the true love of his life

He prayed for both but was denied

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

The curse of his powers tormented his life

Obeying the crown was a sinister price

His soul was tortured by love and by pain

He surely would flee but the oath made him stay

He´s torn between his honor and the true love of his life

He prayed for both but was denied

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

Please forgive me for the sorrow, for leaving you in fear

For the dreams we had to silence, that´s all they´ll ever be

Still I´ll be the hand that serves you

Though you´ll not see that it is me

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

"A Song For Fai "

2007-12-06T05:30:00.000+08:00

My dear Fai

this is a song for you

it means so much

i hope u like it =)

"There For Me"

There for me, every time I've been away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

Just think of you and me, we could never tow the line

It's such a mystery just to hear you say you're mine

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me

When you're feeling cold and all the city streets are grey

Walking all alone and watching how the children play

Voices in the wind and faces from the past go dancing by

They're asking why

Will you be there for me, everytime I go away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me

Can you really want me more than for a little while?

What are the stories hiding there behind your smile?

Wishes in a dream and figures in a world that I could share

And everywhere

Will you be there for me

Will there ever come a day when all the world can see

Things were meant to be that way

Will you be there for me?

Can you hear the people say

That you're just

There for me

There for me ....

Yes Fai ! I want to be there for you as long as you want to ..

How are you?

2007-12-05T12:31:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

How are you doing? You have not written to us in a while and we get more worried day by day. Your junior family members spend their break times at the docks waiting for your return. I know I am anxious myself, but trust that my sister is a competent professional who is trying her best to return to us.

Thus far things are going well in the home front with the training of your new recruits, especially Peter who is rapidly becoming a younger version of Fairuz; he is a very powerful fighter already. The rest I unfortunately had not the privledge to observe their development for I was called up to do extended service with the Office of P.S. after one of our logistics management teams (really its more convoy security than logistics management) went missing along the Midnight Express overland route from Reboldeux to Porto Coimbra. And in short order we rode out with a platoon of light cavalry to go search for them.

So I did see the ruins of Al Quelt Moreza again after so many years; wildlife inflicted with Dios Lantem's curse still roam about the countryside but never in the horrid numbers encountered by the founders of Los Condenados. Squads of novice pioneers effectively keep those overgrown rabid animals at bay far from the convoy routes and at the same time deter thieves and brigands; our despatch team couldn't have been lost in this region so we proceeded north towards the Cathari Falls and the King's Garden after spending the night in one of Al Quelt's deserted vaults long since cleared of undead infestations.

p.s.
I might as well break the news to you now. I'm now an officer of pioneering support, and I couldn't have done it without you, sister!

p.s.s.
Fairuz misses Vanda dearly and wrote this poem:

When I'm lonely

I lay on the field so grassy

And look into the heavens

And there see I you

The white cloud of my heart

As you can see he is very bored.

We pray for your safety Carmen. Be back soon.

Making a Living

2007-12-04T00:58:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

Do you think we rely too much on each other? As soon as we finished our weekend together I found I had little in the way of motivation except to complete whatever tasks assigned to my person so I can meet your great family again.

On the other hand I am glad that I have taken the first steps to converting the Sivarjan family from a military to corporate stance, for that will provide us with long term stability and a steady source of income.

I kind of enjoy my work in the office of pioneering support, even if I am the victim of much discrimination and always misunderstood. That's because unlike most of the office's employees, I actually hail from the pioneering profession! Only the senior managers and supervisors accept me as a person; the rest see my knowledge as a threat to their very existence and impose some sort of social isolation on me as though loneliness would break my will. It doesn't, just gives me peace of mind to do whatever I want - including getting rid of certain big-mouthed individuals who prove to be no more than grovelling serfs once I am promoted to the same level.

But it does get distressing. Like today. I went to work, everyone had their partners chatting merrily, I had to manage some logistics arrangements alone after the manager on duty just about went "ROSA DO THIS NOW" then snapped back to chatting the next moment... sigh

After several hours of that I just about got fed up of it all and refused to dine with my colleagues. Especially after some of them asked if anything was wrong at seeing me pack up and go. I ignored them. I wanted them to realise something. I went to sit on this hilltop overlooking the colony, hair flying free in the wind... and that's when my aide literally galloped right up to me and handed me Vanir's poem which almost instantly reversed my fate for this otherwise sad and boring day.

Now I shall wait a few hours for him to return. I pray that he does, every time. This "new" world is a very cruel place. That much I concluded from standing in for your police work in the Tetra Catacombs this dawn as you attend to the Queen's errands. It was an eye opener, to experience the kind of work you do firsthand. I have already despatched the mission report to your family, I hope I did fine.

A Poem For Rosa =)

2007-12-03T15:47:00.000+08:00

My dear Rosa

heres something for you

this will show you how much i love you .

My sister Vanda helped me with the words

becouse she have poet vein :)

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

_______with Love ___________ Vanir

We are not made perfect

2007-12-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

So as again, Carmen, do not worry. What matters is that through that unfortunate conflict between us we have learned more about each other and how our personalities can end up at each others' throats thanks to the effect of limited information.

It is not a flaw, just nature, for as we all know we cannot be too open to our fellow man or risk exploitation. So your mask of ice and fire that you showed me as soon as I greeted you, I understood as a defensive mechanism from me prying into your worries. You were rude and utterly disrespectful for the one who went out of her way to bring you this far yet I understood that I had to earn your trust in some way so I can help you get out of that self-destructive regret you bore for no reason other than just because you could.

So I waited until you were once again ready to see me as your beloved sister and tell me what was wrong such that I might help to calm your fears.

And I am glad that I had waited those long hours for you. Take that as my apology to you, for throughout that ordeal I put a lot of pressure on you for not giving me the attention I wanted. That's all there is to it, Carmen. I'm sorry too.

My failor to rosa...

2007-12-02T19:04:00.000+08:00

Dear sister.. i dont know wath happend to me yesterday, i was not myself again

i saw to many deads on the way to coimbra. And thanks to that i fail to you as a sister .

i hope u can understand me , after so many batles , with you my sister how could i do that to you , i dont deserve to be your sister ....

I wont fail again , and if theres something on my mind causing problems to our companions

i will just say it .

I went visit my cousin at coimbra hospital last night

and hes hurt but he can survive .

Rosa i hope your are fine ...

I might have to travell again

The queen said Arlyn she is coming to coimbra trough the sea of elephant

with alot of minions ..

She is attempting to destroy Port Of Coimbra

i have to prepare again for another battle .. i might have no time to write you letters .. But i Will Try my best to be your favorite sister ..

Let us meet again ..

Shipboard Life

2007-11-30T20:37:00.000+08:00

Well what can I say? I know nothing of sailing or naval warfare and exist aboard the Hugo as merely a figurehead of authority kept far from the barely controlled chaos that is the working life of a warship.

I spend my days on the quarterdeck with the officers observing their duties, at night I am under virtual house arrest in the captain's quarters. While I am treated with respect from the crew it stands to good reason to keep clear of the "dogs", as the only woman aboard.

Despite that I have learned a lot; I can direct sailors to rig sails, observe wind conditions and with some amount of headaches, get the ship pointed in its general intended direction without collapsing the wind in her sails.

Aside from basic seamanship I can't say I enjoy life aboard ship. Conditions are squalid below decks with minimal ventilation, everything is dark and cramped. There is lots of manual work to be done, you should look at my arms now, and food, once fresh rations have been exhausted a few days from port, is terrible. Imagine passing each day with rock-hard maggot-infested biscuits, unpalatable salted meats, contaminated "drinking" water, that's just the least of it.

Worse is when the wind stops blowing and we are dead in the water, there is nothing we can do in such conditions. It gets terrifyingly hot if this happens in the day and we just have to weather it any way we can.

And last of all I hate everyone looking at me like I were but a piece of meat to them. I even had to fend off advances from the captain himself more than once; it isn't funny at all and it is all I can do to maintain a mask of ice-cold professionalism to keep those barbarians at bay.

Then after 3 weeks of slaving away for the benefit of our ship our lookouts in the dead of night spotted sporadic flashes of cannon fire in the horizon. Tacking upwind for an hour to gain the weather vane we charged towards the still-raging battle at over 12 knots of speed and chanced upon a lone merchant galleon being prosecuted by a number of small pirate sloops. The huge trade ship wasn't about to fall to those tiny gnats but her masts and sails were all but ruined, and she could only sit still and weather the withering fire thrown across her great hull that was neatly pointed downwind.

Our own escort sloops in tow we practically ran right up to the first raider who was anchored dead in the water firing rapidly at the galleon's stern. Everyone aboard the raider seemed to be looking the wrong way as we turned hard to port at the last second; the big frigate heeled alarmingly in the calm seas pointing our 18 gun broadside downwards at the sloop's waterline. The hull simply disintegrated at our breech loaders' point blank assault in a spectacular fountain of smoke and wood splinters.

Those advanced Espadian cannons based on experimental Vespanolan technology were to prove pivotal in the engagement to come, for being able to load the weapons from the rear meant a significant increase in rate of fire over existing muzzle loaders and thus we were able to easily counter the enemy's greater numbers with a fast reloading massive broadside (18 guns vs 6!) I would also say that the high rate of fire of our indigenous cannons offset admirably our lack of coordination as we are but a new ship with a new crew and this is our first battle!

We are now headed back to Porto Coimbra with the crippled Princessa Nadia of Spain in tow, and we expect to gain sight of land in 5 days.

A letter for Rosa ..

2007-11-30T19:31:00.000+08:00

My dear sister , Rosa . Here i am writing a letter to you , hopping that your are safe and sound ..Im on a ship as well on my cabin , Vanda is on her cabin resting , we had to assault a ghost ship full of ghosts and lost souls, Vanda had to drive them back while i was comanding the musk aliance , but we made it with vanir help , ohh talking on vanir i hear him praying every night hopping to see you again he also said that he miss your kind smile and your angelic face . I also miss my love Varghese and his tender touch *blush*

Ahhh , Its getting later sister

and tomorrow we have another assault to do and i have to go rest

see ya soon my dear sister in arms .

2007-11-29T21:42:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

I am pleased to hear you are well, and that you have finally resorted to leaving me behind in pursuit of your own ambitions. Be sure I shall miss you and Vanir both; I will be spending the endless nights dreaming about my sister and husband as I sail the seas in service of the Crown.

Yes, my interest in the Royal Navy has led to a new assignment as cadet midshipwoman aboard the HMS Hugo, one of the many pirate hunters recently commissioned to hunt down the many brigands threatening the critical supply routes between Reboldeux and Porto Coimbra and also even more importantly between the New World and the Old.

By the time you receive this message I will be far away on the Coimbran Sea aboard this fine 36-gun frigate escorted by a pair of smaller sloops on our trade security mission. No doubt this traditionally "manly" job is very demanding but I believe that challenges are to be met head on. Besides the pay is very good! I will finally be able to adopt to expand our modest holdings in both Coimbra and Auch to support our future goals.

Yes you heard right, I have been investing in property in Auch, that's why you see me frequently complaining about lack of funds; Although under development please feel free to use our estate as your own should you be stopping by the Fortress of the North. You deserve this, after all, dear Carmen.

Journey ...

2007-11-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

Dear Rosa ..

I am in a big journeyI am walking all aloneI saw many faces during the journeySome travelled with me a whileThey gave water and foodI reached half the wayFor here onwards it's difficultThere is a lots path in front of meI have to choose one there is no returnI have to select the best pathI like a path, no one has travelled so farMy path is difefrent, everyone saideveryone says, ' dont go 'But I have to go through that pathThere is a lot of humps and gutters in thatI can see it from here itselfI know no one follows meBut I will make the journey of my life ..

I hope you are ok ..

I miss you soo much my dear sister

The queen asked me to do a final task for her

Before my vacations start

And i have being thinking since the last chat we had

Dear sister

when i start my vacations i will travell ( Carmen Vanir and Vanda )

to explore the world

after two years of no vacations i think i deserve this

..My new family members will take care of the blog for us

and they will train themselfs

i dont want take advatages from u

no it would be unfair

soo i will wait until your return on your GE work

So after that time we can enjoy our fights on tetra and avenge the lost souls Together

Ohh i almost forgot

on my journey i met a girl

begging on rebouldoux fountain

i asked her name

she awnsered saying that her name was temari

and she was alone

soo i adopted her

and now

she is healthy and happy fighting on peter side

after that i could see a smile on edgar face

i think he could undertand temari

he lost his family too

so he held her until she stoped cry ..

Dear sister

let us meet soon!

Don't worry about it

2007-11-28T07:07:00.000+08:00

You were so cold to me yesterday when I tried to get one of my foreign friends introduced - that's how I realised something was wrong; you were not yourself.

Please don't worry about me, what matters is that you are safe and sound now. I never imagined that I could lose you so easily and that I almost did, just like that.

Someone had to be there as you suffered the aftermath of such an event, and as a person who is well used to such pains I am obliged to share the burden with you, whether you want it or not. I love you too much, Carmen, as a sister, for you to fall victim to your grief. You might have caused me much hurt, but I bear it with honor.

This is my penance to you for unfairly suspecting you of breaching my trust - perhaps, it is I who should learn to trust my friends, especially the one who has stood by me ever since the beginning of all this.

I am flattered to hear from you, the day before, that I'm your best friend. Hiro tells me she hears the same from you. I hope to be still worthy of such today. And forever. For I cannot bear to lose my one and only sister.

Its good to return back here !

2007-11-28T06:53:00.000+08:00

Ohhh Dear Rosa..how are u ?

i hope your are ok

im sorry for those bad problems that i created myself

thanks to you i feel better now

yesterday i was not on my days

i hope you understand ..

Thanks to for training my new guys

Please take care of them when im not around here

yesterday i went to emotional and ruined our day -_-.

I can see my boys healthy and safe

as u see on this pic

and peter he is becoming a good fighter

and in a litle more of time he will beat Gracielo ..

Thanks again for everything you have done to me ..

i just wished i could do something

more to help You :)

Pioneering Certification Examination

2007-11-26T16:27:00.000+08:00

I departed Port Coimbra for Reboldeux today, headquarters of the Office of Pioneering Support where my application for a formal post of captain of pioneers led to a most gruelling entrance examination.

4 hours and 22 solid pages of calligraphy later I finally emerged back into the Espadan sunlight seeking a well-deserved meal and just about ran right into you, Carmen, for I can barely see anything after so much work in candlelight.

I am happy to learn that you have made new friends during your routine patrols of the frontiers but I am concerned at eventually losing yet another of a beloved sister. You seem very happy at your recent experiences, and I am joyful at that, yet a part of my heart remembers the time when Los Condenados conducted its last mission into Tetra in an attempt to stem the outpouring tides of Hell.

I fought in the assault detachment, the one position most feared by any pioneer for its job is to open the engagement and "fix" the enemy while the main force deploys its overwhelming firepower to destroy it. Room after room we cleared; the hallways of the catacombs were literally piled high with demon corpses which we used as tactical cover, one team leapfrogging ahead of the other as the other laid down as much firepower as it could on the advancing hordes.

With our effort our main striking force simply steamrollered the opposition. An hour passed like this, or maybe ten, I do not know, before the forward units got enveloped by what seems t o be a coordinated assault by not one but two demon lords. We held our ground as pioneer after pioneer fell to the waves of solid demonic muscle after our repeating rifles ran out of ammunition... hoping that our friends back in the main body would come forward to assist with their heavy weapons.

That help never came; they simply abandoned us for a more "profitable" avenue of advance. I looked behind seeing them just leaving us to die... and promptly lost all will to fight. I got cornered and was brutally maimed by this hideous... thing, with four legs with an ebony staff, they say, before a group of indepndent mercenaries managed to drive off the horde overrunning us with some well-placed incendiary grenades. I would never know, for I only opened my eyes again 5 months after what was infamously known as the 4.3 Incident.

That's what "friends" are for.

Not had this for years

2007-11-26T08:04:00.000+08:00

Dear Carmen,

I had the sweetest dreams just now as I rested before heading for my pioneering examinations today. I have never had such good dreams, and rest, since many many years ago.

Thank you for laying this tormented mind to rest.

Yes i Can help u ^^

2007-11-25T21:24:00.000+08:00

Dear Rosa .. im always here to serv u
so yes i will stay by your side and help u
dont worry about them
i Hope u didnt see anything wrong on them ..

Aww Carmen...

2007-11-25T21:09:00.000+08:00

What would I do without you? You had been a loyal student who tolerated my harsh teachings to flourish like no one would have expected you. Beyond that you touch my heart, let me feel emotion, listen to my earthly woes, and showed my mercenary Fairuz what he really should fight for...

When I see him and Vanda together I cannot help but shed tears. So different are they yet it seems fate has put them with each other to test the limits of their humanity. One broken from her tragic losses in this profession, the other defeated in the field and forced to serve his enemy for over a decade now.

I am glad I made the decision to release Fairuz to your service when Vanda appeared to have feelings for this fine gentleman who I so often misunderstood and abused for my own delusions of authority.

Please take care of him, and I hope they will be happy together for all eternity. I would sorely like to meet them both personally. I would like to formally promote them to sergeants for their excellent performance in our recent Rite of Rememberance for our fallen heroes. Would you help me, sister in arms? I would not like to barge into their affairs and demand their presence.

Yes Rosa . Your father can rest now .

2007-11-25T19:37:00.000+08:00

Rosa , now your father can rest in peace and i will take care off his favorite rifle ..and i will continue his career ..i shall be a demon hunter for him

Mr.Sivarja Rest in peace ..

Baptism of Fire

2007-11-25T19:24:00.000+08:00

That is what we call your recent experience, Carmen. I wish I could be there, but my old and weak self fails me. I had an important meeting this morning so apologise for leaving you to conduct the night prowl yourself.

You were impressive standing up to the demon lord like that, indeed few would think of anything other than running away fast yet you not only stood your ground against a far superior foe, but devised effective tactics against him on the fly as well. Was it my rifle you used, Carmen? The one I gifted to you upon your arrival in the realm.

It belonged to my father, a renown musketeer of Los Condenados who hunted demons for sport. But one day the demons got the better of him. If you did use that rifle... then his spirit saw to it that the demon lord fell.

Oh My God Rosa Look At this !

2007-11-25T18:54:00.000+08:00

would like to report the presence of even greater demon lords than we encountered during your ritual of rememberance, Rosa...

This so called Castor demon I encountered during my regular night patrol of the Catacombs after you had retired.

At first time when i saw the castor .. i couldnt think on anything more than ran way ..but i fought him for my comrades that fall here on tetra cemetry catacombs

Carmem fastly changed her pistol for a good rifle and fought him until the end..

Vanda with her elemental powers charged a powerfull hell breath and burned him until he couldnt take more

but sundenly he went on berserk mode and killed vanda ..

the only ones ..remaining was Carmen and Vanir ..in the end Carmen with all of her wrath did a powerfull combo and finished him off with a scattershot .. The castor finally died and could taste the shenmui family wrath ..:...

In memory of Vanda´s Lost Love

2007-11-24T18:29:00.000+08:00

I used to know this great gentleman , at first time i didnt know his name , i only knew that he came from the last ship coming for GE World , i was waiting for my brother Vanir and my sister Carmen, until i saw him going down the ship stairs, he only carried his own body cloth, maybe he had dificult time on his last home,and when he came down he looked at the sky and felt the morning breeze .. then noticed me siting on a chair near the ship , the first thing he said was :

" Finally a new home to start over without lies and fear.

Then he looked at me and said :

"Excuse me miss , can u tell me the hours ? Its becouse im new here , and i dont know the time .

I asnwered him back , saying its was 9:00 am

and i welcome u to the new world mr ?

He anwser me back :

" Im Mr . Naru but , u can call me just Naru miss Vanda.

I asked him : "How do u know my name ?

He said that he preddicted the name becouse he was training to be a master wizard and he had Esp powers .

From that time i was stil speaking to him until my brother and sister came from theyr work

but i noticed naru expression like he has sad or maybe he lost something important, and i was sad for him too so i apresented my family to him

and sence that time we became friends ... and from some time later Naru and I became Lovers

But on day 4 of march he was called by the queen to defeat the golden gollum at tetra cemetry and , he didnt survived ... so in his memory i left this for him ...

"When You're Gone"

Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

We were made for each other

Out here foreverI know we were, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe

I need to feel you here with me, yeah

Memories of the Fallen

2007-11-24T18:02:00.000+08:00

You might wonder why the Tetra Catacombs are so close to our hearts for us in the world of Granado Espada.

It is an expansive ruin situated in the barren canyons near the Coimbran coast, its majestic facade a mere speck of the massive vaults situated below more than a kilometre of solid rock. This remarkable feat of engineering dated to prehistoric times was speculated to be built by the realm's original inhabitants, the nature of which remain lost to the best archaeologists of the world today.

Regardless of its origin, the Tetra Great Ruins are the main target for Port Coimbra's pioneering efforts as its massive artificial caverns would easily solve the maritime hub's prevailant overcrowding issues.

Yet, nearly half a decade of constant warfare has failed to secure Tetra from the hordes of demons that reside within, while the Phobitan Tribes are a deadly menace to any unprepared military expedition in that bloodstained sector.

The Los Condenados infantry squadron made the Tetra Sector its main target after successfully subduing the resurgent Dios Lantem undead forces at Al Quelt Moreza. By launching a series of coordinated strikes against the demon hordes they hoped to relieve enough pressure on those independent military families fighting within that they may withdraw to safety.

This objective was achieved and many champion fighters proved themselves in the desperate close quarters fighting against mighty hordes of creatures rising from the gates of Hell itself. While today the so termed "Hellgate Tetra" is still functional for those heretic rebel cults who have sided with the Devil interfering with colonial authorities' efforts to subdue the area, the successive raids conducted by Los Condenados and many other military clans have significantly weakened the demon threat since the infamous 4th of March Battle.

Yesterday I went pioneering again for the first time since that ill-fated battle that had all but incapacitated me. Carmen was by my side all the way through my Rite of Rememberance at the clan' sacrifice for our future, and so were 5 excellent men and women at arms from the Order of Thorned Roses (Rosa Espinhosa).

It was good to see the demon infestation well managed by the various mercenary groups of the Coimbran Coast, and that new pioneering families were using the site as a training ground. Still, the hunt was dangerous but Mohammad Fairuz, one of the New World's few Arabian mercenaries in Sivarja Family, wielded his greatsword with such skill and tenacity that none of the foul hellspawn came close to harming us despite our ten to one numerical deficiency.

To think that this fine gentleman would pick an alien weapon in favour of his beloved shamshirs as a testament to the peace between our two cultures!

At the conclusion of our short tour of the Tetra Catacombs we were ambushed by a demon lord, but the combination of effective tactics and modern anti-occult weaponry allowed us to defeat him with little harm to ourselves. But it was no joking matter as I stood rooted to the ground as a 20-foot balrog strode with menacing purpose towards myself, helpless... then Fairuz charged with claymore gracefully arcing through the air to sever the demon lord's leg at the knee.

I live to fight another day.

- Rosa Sivarja
The History of Los Condenados

I am joyful

2007-11-24T16:18:00.000+08:00

Carmen, I thank you for the gift. That song really touches my heart for we have been living such a tale for all our time together. You must have gone out of your way to seek a bard's talent in acquiring those lyrics for me!

Seeing you write despite your past experiences also bring a smile to my face. Can the others not understand that we hail from different cultures and that there are many unique languages in the world? I understand your English perfectly, and would like to assure you that the English language is easy to master given frequent practise! Your Portuguese language is much more complex than my favoured tongue.

Oh Carmen, if you run into any more trouble with those linguistic fascists again give me a call and I will handle them for you! I would dearly love to see you accompany me on the Illier message boards for it is so desolate there...

A gift for Rosa

2007-11-24T10:06:00.000+08:00

"Keep Holding On"

by Avril Lavigne

You're not alone

Together we stand

I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold

And it feels like the end

There's no place to go

You know I won't give in

No I won't give in

Keep holding on'
Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Just stay strong'

Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

There's nothing you could say

Nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on'

Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away

I wish you were here

Before it's too late, this could all disappear

Before the doors close

And it comes to an end

With you by my side I will fight and defend

I'll fight and defend

Keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Just stay strong'

Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

There's nothing you could say

Nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny

Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

Who is The Shenmui Family?

2007-11-24T08:19:00.000+08:00

Family Shenmui us consisted of Carmen Rodriguez, a strong leader of muskuteers of clan Rosa Espinhosa. At the moment it only uses a gun ... but her goal is to use its two pistols With its devastating power that kills everything that is the extent of their sight. The second member is vanda a elementalist, which at the moment is the basic train the powers. But her aim is to have more knowledge to be able to help their family and the family sivarja in future missions. The third and final member of the family is Vanir the newest member of the family shenmui, who wanted to be a good engeeneir of traps ... But due to recent events .. He became the healer as an apprentice .. Its aim is Being a master at doutorine medic ... that never let nobody behind .

The honor is mine, my lady

2007-11-22T20:17:00.000+08:00

There is only one ethos in the Legion of the Condemned - we all stick together, or we die. In those dark days of pioneering that was the truth.

I saw your party of three floundering against those vicious undead gladiators and promptly led a charge against orders to destroy that mob before they surrounded you. It was a blind, desperate attack, and always when I think of it, I felt extremely foolish risking my life for a complete stranger who would gladly transform his grovelling thanks into hatred and betrayal in the blink of an eye once help was not needed.

My rifle couldn't fire fast enough, so I placed myself between that fanatic and you, weapon held as a club. He charged at me with twin longswords... but never made it. Los Condenados was renown for its parade-like efficiency in maneuvers on the field and that did not fail us that night, for I charged, and the whole squadron charged with me!

We made a square formation for defense and I stood above your fallen form and yelled, "Pioneer, are you all right!?" - if you did not respond we would have moved on for we have no love for those who throw themselves against the wild hordes mindlessly seeking fame and fortune. (reference to botters, AFK levellers, etc, in MMORPGs)

You replied promptly, and I was shocked to realise you were a woman.

- Kenny aka. Jose Sivarja, Chief of Musketeer Training

Thanks ! For everything brother

2007-11-22T19:28:00.000+08:00

I will never forget this day. The day i met for the first time the family sivarja. Was a cold and rainy night. It was sad because of past events from another game. Until I met the family that would change my life ... A kind family .. that never leaves nobody behind .
Family sivarja my family mentor who taught me all I know and all that I am. Together we been trough the new experiences good or bad , but
He was always by my side
As opposed to many other companions of the clan of the
condemned.

Since then kenny and I are inseparable friends
Our meeting was not a mere coincidence
This is what I think
I think it was the work of fate

So thanks for everything =)

A tribute to Shenmui Family

2007-11-22T17:12:00.000+08:00

It has been merely 44 days since the Shenmui and Sivarja pioneering families met in the dark confines of the Al Quelt Moreza dungeons as Los Condenados battled against the undead hordes of Dios Lantem.

But that 44 days with Shenmui had changed my life forever. No longer do I spend each day snapping viciously at my subordinates or abusing verbally those who try and improve my work with criticism. Nor do I have those temper tantrums over matters long past from my painful history, and I guess that in my 35 long years I finally feel love.

It is yet another new responsibility for me, this one far more valuable, and dangerous, yet I now know what I truly fight for in Granado Espada.

How did Shenmui do it? When Adelina Sivarja's command team met them they were but worthless as soldiers, too slow to keep up with our maneuver groups and too weak physically to be more than second-rate good-to-be-there-but-not-really-neccessary supporting fire for our light infantry squads.

But today such as Carmen, Vanda, Peter and Vanir are inseparable partners; in fact I would be unable to achieve my objectives in the Illier nation without them for a chain of illnesses have weakened me significantly effectively eliminating my ability to contribute to the pioneering effort. Meeting and even exceeding the skill at arms of their trainers Florence and Jose from Cesario, Shenmui family represents the spearhead of our combat capability.

They are more valuable than any other pioneering family under our banner, for when adversity struck Shenmui bit the bullet and continued to be at our side when it matters. They are the only noble house to pack up and leave Cesario's anarchy with us when I gave the order to do so, for staying would cause us Sivarjans naught but pain and sorrow; we had nothing left when Los Condenados collapsed from its losses.

So here's to Shenmui's remarkable ability to presevere when all others fall, and to our lasting alliance... and friendship. Happy birthday Carmen!

- Rosa Sivarja
Personal communique to Shenmui family

Humble Beginnings

2007-11-20T12:19:00.000+08:00

"We the Sivarja family was one of many seeking fame and fortune in the New World as opposed to merely being a mere slave of king and country in their Vespanola homeland; the failed invasion of Bristia had cost Vespanola her high seas fleet. Without it she is unable to project power internationally and many foreign holdings have been lost to lesser European nations who once appeared to be good neighbours content to live under the Vespanolan example.

10 years later the Vespanolan Navy is once again strong, but the rapid rearmament had placed great stress on the nation's economy. Huge naval shipbuilding guilds were created to more rapidly produce the massive lineships; lesser families were simply absorbed into the corporations and forced to lend their labour to the project, or face scorn from both king and their own neighbours who had abandoned tradition without a thought to become barons of considerable wealth; upon gaining the chance to enslave and destroy had done so willingly for mere royal gold.

Unlike many, we stuck to making an honest living as the owner of their humble hometown's blacksmithery. The whole premise of our toil revolved around maintaining the town's standard of living and industrial capability by the provision of metal goods and tools, so when royal couriers "persuaded" us to lend our hand to produce weapons for the King we steadfastly protested for who else would forge shoes for our horses? They told us to expand the smithy by employing labourers from other families, "putting loafers to good use", what uncouth louts.

Such "persuasive" arguments did little to change our ways, and those in power resorted to force to try and get our economy to produce arms for them. Merely asking for the right to coexist with our community as opposed to exploiting it for ambitions we would never understand yielded naught but hostility and jealousy in the successive waves of "diplomats" who first imposed taxes for our "disobedience" and when we sent those unethical bastardos home with tails between their legs they returned the favour by imposing martial law on the town, which did nothing but just continue life as normal - we had no issue with them blaming us for being in their way but to brand innocents for crimes that did not exist was just blasphemy!

This was when the name of Sivarja became known for its skill at arms for a time but to cut a long story short we were able to hold off the lesser barons - most other communities were subdued more easily than us - with our sheer tenacity but against royal troops we stood no chance against their musketeers.

Our town was sacked, enslaved, and today had none of the heritage it possessed. It isn't even on any map today, the massive industrial base that had occupied the spot simply moved on to destroy some other ecology when it had exhausted the resources of wood and iron there.

Of the noble family of 28 who selflessly defended their community from the King's exploitation, only 3 remain, having been secreted away before hostilities began as our last hope if anything happened to us. The other 25 simply "disappeared"...

First daughter Adelina along with siblings Jose and Florence fled to the New World as part of Queen Esparanza's Reconquista efforts. There was no where else to go but start a new life in a new world."

From left to right: Musketeer Jose, Elementalist Adelina and Florence the fencer in Reboldeux-Cesario under the employ of the Office of Pioneering Support

- Rosa Sivarja
excerpt from The History of Los Condenados