Hand of Sorrow

Dear Carmen,

This is for you and Fai. Meaningful versus for our clan's past, and Fai's as well. And it was good to fight by your side again in today's patrol mission to Porto Bello. I could not have handled that foul place alone.

Long ago he was but a slave trader on the Cesarian coast who fell victim to our anti-slaver patrols and Florence Sivarja out of rage for human immorality just about enslaved him in turn. Fairuz would prove to be a capable mercenary under our service and proved himself a trustworthy soldier many times yet we never made any effort to forgive his past and saw him as less than human.

For 5 years he endured this torture alone never uttering a single word of complaint, then when our families met Vanda Shenmui befriended him out of pity. I was very angry, to tell the truth, my man being spirited away like that, never will he be loyal to me again, I tried to separate them both but they just found more ways to evade my security to the point that he almost never slept and gradually became inept in his duties.

I should have just let him go then, but I insisted on putting even more artificial pressure and something just came alive in him; we fought and I came out the loser and well, I had to let him do what he wanted.

I don't mind speaking for myself as the villianess here, for I am too young to hold a post of leadership. Yet circumstances demanded it so I had to put up a strong front and just go ahead and dare to play my role for there is no other who can lead our clan in Illier; to build a new world for ourselves out of the ruins of the old.

Imperfect as I am, I learn... and I have to give credit to you, Carmen, for guiding me on the right paths.

So.. heres a dedicaton in thanks to you and Fairuz. And also the Los Condenados frontier infantry unit - 28 our of 30 military families simply perished in service to the Crown in the Cesario campaign.

And I admit we left many good friends out on the vine to die - Falencia, Ithlandos, many others. I killed them all. Didn't I Carmen... I'm no better than those we fight against.

-Rosa

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Hand of Sorrow

Within Temptation

The child without a name grew up to be the hand

To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand

The choice he´d made he could not comprehend

His blood a grim secret they had to command

He´s torn between his honor and the true love of his life

He prayed for both but was denied

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

The curse of his powers tormented his life

Obeying the crown was a sinister price

His soul was tortured by love and by pain

He surely would flee but the oath made him stay

He´s torn between his honor and the true love of his life

He prayed for both but was denied

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

Please forgive me for the sorrow, for leaving you in fear

For the dreams we had to silence, that´s all they´ll ever be

Still I´ll be the hand that serves you

Though you´ll not see that it is me

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

"A Song For Fai "

My dear Fai

this is a song for you

it means so much

i hope u like it =)

"There For Me"

There for me, every time I've been away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

Just think of you and me, we could never tow the line

It's such a mystery just to hear you say you're mine

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me

When you're feeling cold and all the city streets are grey

Walking all alone and watching how the children play

Voices in the wind and faces from the past go dancing by

They're asking why

Will you be there for me, everytime I go away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me

Can you really want me more than for a little while?

What are the stories hiding there behind your smile?

Wishes in a dream and figures in a world that I could share

And everywhere

Will you be there for me

Will there ever come a day when all the world can see

Things were meant to be that way

Will you be there for me?

Can you hear the people say

That you're just

There for me

There for me

There for me ....

Yes Fai ! I want to be there for you as long as you want to ..

How are you?

Dear Carmen,

How are you doing? You have not written to us in a while and we get more worried day by day. Your junior family members spend their break times at the docks waiting for your return. I know I am anxious myself, but trust that my sister is a competent professional who is trying her best to return to us.

Thus far things are going well in the home front with the training of your new recruits, especially Peter who is rapidly becoming a younger version of Fairuz; he is a very powerful fighter already. The rest I unfortunately had not the privledge to observe their development for I was called up to do extended service with the Office of P.S. after one of our logistics management teams (really its more convoy security than logistics management) went missing along the Midnight Express overland route from Reboldeux to Porto Coimbra. And in short order we rode out with a platoon of light cavalry to go search for them.

So I did see the ruins of Al Quelt Moreza again after so many years; wildlife inflicted with Dios Lantem's curse still roam about the countryside but never in the horrid numbers encountered by the founders of Los Condenados. Squads of novice pioneers effectively keep those overgrown rabid animals at bay far from the convoy routes and at the same time deter thieves and brigands; our despatch team couldn't have been lost in this region so we proceeded north towards the Cathari Falls and the King's Garden after spending the night in one of Al Quelt's deserted vaults long since cleared of undead infestations.

p.s.
I might as well break the news to you now. I'm now an officer of pioneering support, and I couldn't have done it without you, sister!

p.s.s.
Fairuz misses Vanda dearly and wrote this poem:

When I'm lonely

I lay on the field so grassy

And look into the heavens

And there see I you

The white cloud of my heart

As you can see he is very bored.

We pray for your safety Carmen. Be back soon.

Making a Living

Dear Carmen,

Do you think we rely too much on each other? As soon as we finished our weekend together I found I had little in the way of motivation except to complete whatever tasks assigned to my person so I can meet your great family again.

On the other hand I am glad that I have taken the first steps to converting the Sivarjan family from a military to corporate stance, for that will provide us with long term stability and a steady source of income.

I kind of enjoy my work in the office of pioneering support, even if I am the victim of much discrimination and always misunderstood. That's because unlike most of the office's employees, I actually hail from the pioneering profession! Only the senior managers and supervisors accept me as a person; the rest see my knowledge as a threat to their very existence and impose some sort of social isolation on me as though loneliness would break my will. It doesn't, just gives me peace of mind to do whatever I want - including getting rid of certain big-mouthed individuals who prove to be no more than grovelling serfs once I am promoted to the same level.

But it does get distressing. Like today. I went to work, everyone had their partners chatting merrily, I had to manage some logistics arrangements alone after the manager on duty just about went "ROSA DO THIS NOW" then snapped back to chatting the next moment... sigh

After several hours of that I just about got fed up of it all and refused to dine with my colleagues. Especially after some of them asked if anything was wrong at seeing me pack up and go. I ignored them. I wanted them to realise something. I went to sit on this hilltop overlooking the colony, hair flying free in the wind... and that's when my aide literally galloped right up to me and handed me Vanir's poem which almost instantly reversed my fate for this otherwise sad and boring day.

Now I shall wait a few hours for him to return. I pray that he does, every time. This "new" world is a very cruel place. That much I concluded from standing in for your police work in the Tetra Catacombs this dawn as you attend to the Queen's errands. It was an eye opener, to experience the kind of work you do firsthand. I have already despatched the mission report to your family, I hope I did fine.

A Poem For Rosa =)

My dear Rosa

heres something for you

this will show you how much i love you .

My sister Vanda helped me with the words

becouse she have poet vein :)

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

_______with Love ___________ Vanir

We are not made perfect

So as again, Carmen, do not worry. What matters is that through that unfortunate conflict between us we have learned more about each other and how our personalities can end up at each others' throats thanks to the effect of limited information.



It is not a flaw, just nature, for as we all know we cannot be too open to our fellow man or risk exploitation. So your mask of ice and fire that you showed me as soon as I greeted you, I understood as a defensive mechanism from me prying into your worries. You were rude and utterly disrespectful for the one who went out of her way to bring you this far yet I understood that I had to earn your trust in some way so I can help you get out of that self-destructive regret you bore for no reason other than just because you could.



So I waited until you were once again ready to see me as your beloved sister and tell me what was wrong such that I might help to calm your fears.



And I am glad that I had waited those long hours for you. Take that as my apology to you, for throughout that ordeal I put a lot of pressure on you for not giving me the attention I wanted. That's all there is to it, Carmen. I'm sorry too.

My failor to rosa...

Dear sister.. i dont know wath happend to me yesterday, i was not myself again

i saw to many deads on the way to coimbra. And thanks to that i fail to you as a sister .

i hope u can understand me , after so many batles , with you my sister how could i do that to you , i dont deserve to be your sister ....

I wont fail again , and if theres something on my mind causing problems to our companions

i will just say it .

I went visit my cousin at coimbra hospital last night

and hes hurt but he can survive .

Rosa i hope your are fine ...

I might have to travell again

The queen said Arlyn she is coming to coimbra trough the sea of elephant

with alot of minions ..

She is attempting to destroy Port Of Coimbra

i have to prepare again for another battle .. i might have no time to write you letters .. But i Will Try my best to be your favorite sister ..

Let us meet again ..