So it begins this New Year

If you would be my loving wife Marta, I would be your loyal husband for all eternity. Never will I stray from the path of the light, for we both know firsthand the price of following the devil.

I would quit my favourite hobby of horse racing just for you my love... so that you may live free from worry. And my work days as a facility manager gives me plenty of time to write to you.

Yes, I inhabit a different body, but I am the same person who rescued you from that horrid life of a waitress to grant you a profession of honor and responsibility that I knew you would enjoy.

Our meeting will come sooner than later, my desert rose. Somehow, we will find a way. And I will be there waiting for you. And you'll recognise me a mile away :)

Finally. My wish a decade old has come true. I hope it is the same for you as well.

A confident asnwer ..

I allways wanted to be by your side , i loved you

but u were once married with a son , so i lost my courage to tell you my feeling for you

even so u tooke the bullet instead of me and u saved me and i felt my life was going to collapse

i never trusted anyone than you

u taughted me so much and i wanted to thank you for everything

but God tooke u away from me before i say that

u were very dear person to me the most kind men i ever knew

But maybe God toughted u deserve a second change on the living world

i dont care if u are in a different body or not

i want you , to be here with me

even if i have to search you im sure i will find u someday

in this world

I miss u and i want you .

so i will say yes to your question

YES i want to be your wife

I want to see the kind smile on your face again

Until we meet again

I still remember the song we loved and i still love that song

"Somewhere Only We Know"

I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me?

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we goSomewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?

Your last chance to say no, Marta

Dear Marta, there is something I wish to warn you about as your friend and brother. You may know this already and you can say that I am a nag but I would like to give fair warning of my intentions. This new year brings much new hope for us both and I have helped you a lot in securing a proper life for you yet what I do is still incomplete. I have not yet cured the wounds of your broken family and your lost friends. Yes I know what you are thinking. That it is impossible for me to survive that fatal bullet that I took to save you. The only thing on my mind then was to save you. You do not deserve to die. You have so many years to live. Please dont let her die, I begged the Lord, take me instead. And so it happened, and He creator of all mankind gifted me with this new body in order to continue my mission in this world, so rife with sin that such as I give their lives to try and make a difference against the forces of Satan. To show the world of Man that righteousness shall always prevail over temptation. Five short weeks was all it took for my return to this world. i have seen many things and learned many more during my eternal patrol. And most of the time in coma I dreamt of you. I know what you are going through and I am well prepared to fight by your side once again. Never have I felt so confident in helping you build a new future... But it is only courteous to ask your permission. Would you, Marta Alexandra, have this man who cheats death as your husband so that I might undo what wrongs that have been unfairly dumped on you? You know me. I will not accept failure. Nor will I see my daughter being ill treated by those who call themselves men but only in species. You are much more 'manly' than those moral cowards. Imagine that!

A new life for someone more than a friend.

Marta you had your reasons for rejecting me and I respect them. I am very proud to be your friend as time and time again you prove to be a mature and responsible lady who is not afraid to voice her opinion to defend her rights. You are a very different person from the time I met you and your current troubles with me arise from you exercising your newfound confidence and authority. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes and causing people hurt. All good leaders rise to prominence that way. It is through those teething troubles and through the will to presevere through those difficult times that you will develop your character. So dont be afraid, you may use me as a learning resource anytime! By the way we have gone so far that anyone who has an interest in social support would be amazed by how far we went. It is truly a wonder, the human mind that another who understands may heal it of all its wounds with time. I am not a psychaitrist but as my first and most successful patient I will remember you always. Yes you heard right. I believe that what we do to support each other may be used to assist those with similar issues in life as well. You may not notice it but your psychologist (me!) frequently asks your help too! Having experienced some of what you went through in life yesterday made me a cold and offensive person but you brought me back in good time and am thankful to have you at my side always. I will tell you now that the new year will be very different. I would also like to attempt increased responsibility to remedy the last of your current troubles but I shall need your help in playing that role. We are rushing things but we have the experience and the mutual understanding to make it work.

I did it again ......

Here i am again , writing this , trying to trow up everything that is stuck on me

its so hard, for me saying this things and see my only friend suffering for my mistakes , i keep doing bad things and i ...really dont want to be like this but sometimes i cant fight it alone like i used to fight ...when i lost my friends i toughted well now it will be hard and in the end i will die from my own mistakes and sorrows , but my destiny changed somehow and i must thank you for that , u keep seeing things i cant see my self becouse im blind from past where i was rejected by so many ppl ... after this months i could smile again and trust again in ppl .... i really know how is to be lonley ...and i dont want to be like that and kill my self ...

and i know to this days i have been to much selfish and i only could think on me and not for the ppl around me ....why is it so hard for me to realize that in time.. ppl say i think to much and its true some of my memories i cant forget in one blink .... and i really dont want to hurt my only friend that i have now .....the one who cheer me up when im down and listen all my dark secrets

i really ...i really dont want ....

i really dont want to lose my best friend .........i dont want to end up alone again without no one to talk .......i......i........

im scared to be ending like that .....even if u r far away from me u r still close to me here on the place i cherish u the most .....

Forgive me .......i may not making sence

i really felt bad playing on your feelings ......i should have told u wath i was thiking from the first moment

I just ....hope u can be still my friend ....

i have nothing more to say ....that was the things i couldnt say when i was with u .......im sorry

Thank you

Carmen you wont be rid of us so easily. Youre very dear to us and we need each other too. And I will never be bored of your beautiful voice singing in my ear. I know you are not comfortable with such flattery and thats why I shower you with praises. Youre really very beautiful and you should not be living that cruel life of your past that gives you this horribly low self esteem. That is what we are here to correct and we hoped you enjoyed your time with us last night. I would wait forever for the honor of your warm breath in my ear again, Varghese says.

No longer in silence ....

Dear Rosa , and varghese

i dont know wath happend yesterday to me , i realized my mistakes ...i also realized i was soo cold towards u sister and u my love , maybe i was having a bad day or its my tiressness speaking trought me , i was stuck on my emotions i couldnt feel anything or think or express my self , some part of me told me they are worried about me and wath i give for them nothing becouse for now i am a cold bitch i cant give them wath they deserve my head wasc really heavy and my heart to i was completly stuck .....

Rosa , Varghese im so sorry ...i dont want to have more discussions with my favorite sister and u my love im so sorry to i .....hope u 2 can forgive me in time ....But today after a good night of sleep i feel better and refreshed ,today i can think on wath i did yesterday and i could see how cold i was .....plz i hope u both forgive me ......

Help

Rosa here. Today I realise the hard way that trust is foolish. I am good. I can prove it each day at work. And this makes me nothing but livestock to the eyes of any employer without a strong moral backing. It appears that even the security industry is not secure in its own ethical footing despite its huge responsibility. I am now a villian because I dare to speak up in the name of justice and pride for what others trained me so hard to achieve. But sister I will not run away this time. My conscience is clear and I feel naught but strength in protecting those who trust me with their safety. So Carmen please be there in my moment of need for you are my only pillar of hope. I am so sorry to cause you so much hurt last night I should respect you more. You are not my dog... That is what learned today. And that is my gift and apology to you.

In distress

In distress

Varghese is concerned

Dear Carmen, I am sorry to hear that you had a quarrel with Rosa last night. She isnt taking it well and has been very quiet today keeping to herself. She has not been eating too. Would you please tell me what happened that would make her like this? Its sad to see my sister like that and I wonder at your own health as well. i know that I have no business meddling in the ladies affairs but please... We have limited time together as it is lets just enjoy it.

Varghese work day blog

While my first day at work was incredibly boring, a combination of social networking, on the job training coupled with prior experience with managing crisis situations have made this day a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Perhaps I should not be so cynical - today the colonial residence I am charged to protect had a major shortage in defense capability due to the captain and our best officers being absent. So on the third day of my new duties I suddenly find myself taking on the role of assistant site supervisor. Due to the aforementioned manpower shortage I had to face great physical challenges running to keep up with events and sheparding foreign contractors to their assigned places of work. As the most physically and socially well endowed person on the team it is my responsibly to lead and instruct them. Unlike that disappointing spell in restaurant management though, this job pays extremely well for the fun I get running my own show and juggling with my favourite responsibilities: people management and public relations. It does help that I now have a beautiful wife who appreciates whatever I do for a living too!

Florence post ^~

Hi you all should know me. Or else, find out or I will be a bit pissed. Most of you wouldnt be here if not for my little acts of heroism in Tetra during the initial scouting efforts. I am not surprised that the underground facility has still not been secured. Pioneer managers should pay more heed to respecting native property and cooperate with them instead of thinking the world is theirs for the taking from so called divine authority that is created by the blasphemy of a selfish Church. I am a witch due to such lack of religious morality and I am proud of it. Here in the New World freedom is indeed a common virtue.

I am touched.

Carmen I will make this short. I waited for you for a long time; ever since I was old enough to think for myself I yearned for another who would appreciate my ideals of life, that trust would be mutual and understanding constantly sought and challenged. I think that way because for years I have lived in a world of deceit and exploitation and was forced to learn for myself how to survive in it. I was tempted many times to fall from grace forsaking righteousness for acceptance yet my own conscience would stop me every time. It is a cruel battle i wage with myself all these years for I had no one to trust. Ultimately it was a battle worth fighting. Because I have you. And you make me feel emotions again. My days are filled with joy and wisdom because there is someone there waiting for me at the end of the day. Now I will ask that dreaded question that has never appeared in my mind before: Carmen will you marry me?

A christmas that i will never forget ...

Dear Varghese,

I will never forget about our last night

You made me a different woman and you made my christmas happy

like i never had for years

Thank you for always believing me and for always comfort me when im down

u say that u give just a litle and thats not true

by staying with me u Do help me alot on my path

i tried to fight my past with your help your kind words that keep helping me on my future

I might not be making sence now , but i dont want u to let u go to

You are now part of my life wherever u want or not

i just wish on this new year be a better person to you my love

u deserve so much

i just hope tath i can give u alot than last night gift

i just need to find the courage and strenght once again

but this time will be different

becouse i have you with me

You toke always care of me even i didnt looked at you when we were youngers

i never found your heart on that time

but now it makes sence why did u always kept near me and healed my wounds when i used to fall down

And the reason i survived was ... you

i still remember the day your mom scolded you by saying

keep near carmen she is very speciall for your future( Had a dream like that -_-)

i have nothing more to say just this .

I hope that u can be still with me this year !

And keep helping me like i will try help you

and yes i enjoyed very much our Christmas Night

WITH LOVE .....CARMEN

A pleasant Christmas

Dear Carmen,

I have always believed that you must have the strength to shed the fears of your troubled past so that you might live your life to the fullest, and what a great life lays ahead of you! So I was very happy, yesterday, to have witnessed you simply be yourself, the proud woman that I have always admired all these years.

I believe we no longer have to meet on such a frequent basis - you know everything that I do, well, almost everything, that you're going to live a similar life like myself free from all the pain and sorrow that have bogged you down these years. Now that you know how to manage and prevent those situations you can concentrate on developing yourself in the future.

I know it sounds strange, but by just being here with me, you make me learn the same things that I teach you. I still cannot believe how you trust me so much (and I give you very little in return) and so willingly... but I also acknowledge that you do not take commitments lightly and that trust is exclusive to myself. And that is why, I will never let you go, love of my life.

Last night you gave me a tremendous Christmas present, I've never had such a lovely and meaningful gift before. I hope that you enjoyed mine, too, and may we be together like this in a year's time.

I assure you, things will be very different then.

In Memory Of my GrandFather..

Tree Years has passed


and i still miss you ...Grand Father why did u leaved me ...when i needed the most..You were the one who cared me the most ...i miss you ...everyday .....but today ...i miss your embrace ... i miss your warm words ....the ones who confort me when i was down...the ones who made me calm when dad beated on us ...i keep suffering in silence .....remembering the day u saved me from dad ...came drunk and tried to kill me..... i miss u ......but...for you ..........i shall keep living...





Wherever your are ....i hope u are oki .....this song ....its for you .....


Rest in piece .......i love u ...

"Remember When It Rained"

Wash away the thoughts inside

That keep my mind away from you.

No more love and no more pride

And thoughts are all I have to do.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained

Felt the ground and looked up high

And called your name.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.

In the darkness I remain.

Tears of hope run down my skin.

Tears for you that will not dry.

They magnify the one within

And let the outside slowly die.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.

I felt the ground and looked up high

And called your name.

Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained.

In the water I remainRunning

Running down

Running down

Running down

Running down

Running down

Running down

Updated Orders

Before I go these are our second pioneer teams' taskings.

1) Regular patrols to be maintained at Al Quelt Moreza to Tetra Hills areas ("Midnight Express" route) to maintain trade security. Attempt to assist convoys or pioneers in distress.

2) As soon as able, continue subduing native activity in the Tetra region. So long as we are on the offensive they will not be able to raid Porto Coimbra. Centres of resistance are to be identified, localised and destroyed in order to keep them in disarray. Illier's small population does limit its military power considerably so exercise extreme caution especially when engaging the demons underground.

3) Coordinate operations, if possible, between Shenmui and Sivarja second teams, although the pace of operations is not to be compromised if coordinated deployment if not possible.

3) Aim for a Feburary rendevous with the main teams currently deployed to the Auch theatre of operations.

That is all. Rosa out.

Dear varghese Dear Rosa Until we meet again..

Dear varghese ,

Im really happy for you and Rosa

You , my love and you my sister

Be sure to eat well and rest well to

"Rosa and varghese Fight until the end Never give Up Never Surrender"

i shall take care of your new guys along with mines ^^

I will train them , with the guardian Adelina and Soon her Brother Lorch ( i hope )

we to found two new members during our patroll mission on AQM.

A new female scout called sasha, she was sick and we tooke her in to our family , she was poisoned with Zebra-Eaters poison , And a new Muskuter Called Max he lost his parents during Valears War , Adelina found him on Elephant coast fainted on very bad conditions , she tooke he in to ..Well sister i hope i can receive more letter from you and my dear varghese be carefull ..

ROSA VAGHESE UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

With love Carmen And Vanir..

Deployment

Dear Carmen,


Starting tomorrow Varghese and I will be deployed on our first assignments at various locations along the Coimbran coast that we may not disclose due to national security issues.


On Monday we passed our examinations with flying colours no small thanks to you who provided an alternative means of training from the use of actual cases as examples to learn from.


From our ability to write our own doctrines and procedures for police assessment (and the assessor was very pleased with our work!) we have become very respected security officers that are unlike any other so a successful career is not a problem.


We have also made a new friend, Selva who has a long background in hotel management who has also made a move to this line for his future prospects. I expect I will be working with him in future, to build a better life for us all overseas. I am not the one who made that proposal - I will see how it goes.


Do not worry too much sister, we will continue to see you daily, just that our time together will be more constrained by operational requirements. But you will be starting your vacations soon, and we have plenty of time then!


When we are absent please feel free to approach our fencing trainer Florence if you need anything; I've appointed her as our representative.







with love,
Rosa Sivarja

Nothing to apologize my Dear varghese

Dear varghese u dont have to apologize

to me , i had so much fun this days i cant desbribe on words

well i will say like this

u keep my day happy on this raining days

and every bit i spend with u its so much fun

to be able to be with you is enough to me

:)

P.S_sorry about the small post

i dont have anything more to saY ^^

Missing You

Dear Carmen,

I apologise I was unable to entertain you last night; I was exhausted from the week's training and our upcoming examinations do not help the matter much.


On our new careers I will just tell the truth; Rosa and I prove to be very capable in our new roles due to our past experience assisting both domestic and military parties with various troubles. A lot of people are trying very hard to compete with us, but we simply do not have the time or energy to bother with such childish jealousy.

You probably have a lot of things to teach us this weekend, and we look forward to once again spending time with you who brought us to this industry in the first place. We would like you to know that we have no regrets leaving our past behind.


Now all that matters is not being overconfident with ourselves and flunking the entrance exams!

Love,
Varghese

Rosa & Varghese Police Story

Dear Carmen,

Varg and I are doing very well in our training and because we learn so fast we are given the authority to make sure our less gifted students attain the same level as us.. well they must because the entrance examination to the Porto Coimbra paramilitary security forces is held on Friday and Saturday. Some of our class are going for these time slots because they will be away for Christmas next week.

Ours are on monday and we are going to tackle two examinations in the same sitting, 3 hours of hell demonstrating our competence and knowledge to professional police trainers.

My class, Carmen... I can easily say it is the worst workforce ever in this new nation. Unwanted by anyone they have no choice but to join the security industry.

But under my training... they shall be the best. You will see. Not only am I capable of instructing others on technical skills, I can ensure they learn fast by training their personality and analytical skills as well. All I do is perfectly supported by my trainer (also police) who gives me professional guidance, nurtures my motivation and ensures I stay on the right path.

Tomorrow we are going to learn arrest of suspects and crime scene management skills. Let us hope we don't do the real thing anytime soon!

p.s.

I was training the team with the other senior students, when you dreamt of me. I am very honoured, my precious sister, to have such an important place in your mind.

A dream on a raining night

Dear varghese and sister Rosie,

Last night i had a dream, it was a funny dream XD

i was on my work on the squad making an exam to the newbies

and i was called to the boss office..and he said

Ahhh!Good timing ... thanks for coming

i need u to help someone

then i looked at the front window

and i saw a new person

and toughted to myself

"Who is this person "?

i think i know him but i cant remember

then boss said : I need you to guide and help this person here

he is Sir Kenny from singapure police squad

he said he knew u so he asked me for your help

The days passed away and i helped him and one day on our day off

i was coming home and he asked me wanna come have lunch with me ?

And i said Hmn...sure i will show u the best place to eat ...

END

It happened again. What is wrong?

Dear Carmen.

I have no idea what is wrong. I might not have wanted to marry Vanir this early, but I tried to stage a little play so that I would end up agreeing to his proposal.

And you all just left me like that. Couldn't you tell me what is on your mind, like we discussed and agreed to so many times, to try and prevent such tragic events?

I get the feeling I will never see you again. Either that, or my heart twice broken today shall never recover.

Thanks for killing the one who loves you so much, who helped you through all these years in this realm. I will never commit myself to anyone again.

A warning

Carmen.

It is best I just say this directly - I can't take it anymore.

Please... would you keep me informed, of your true feelings. So we at least have a chance to prevent such conflagrations in future before they become a problem? And it is a huge problem in our relationship.

It's unfair to me, to have to take all your abuse and still, kneeling before you, humbly beg for you to take my advice and hope to see you after work.

I was really trying to control myself there, alright? I could have done a hundred and one things to force you to be obedient to me and yes, prevented the problem, but I let you go and ruin my entire day... because I'm not that kind of person... I don't want to be like the others.

Please have mercy on me!

Im Still your Sister and friend..

Dear.Rosa,

I wont leave you ..ever ..even if i toughted i could leave you to never return

i couldnt say no to this words

...Dont leave me ..

i was selfish ..and didnt realized how much i was hurting you

rosa forgive me ....i once again failed ..fighting my demons

and i almost quited again

but after the letter u wrote

i feel better and a litle more calm

*sighs*

i just wish to see u everyday ....

my friend wrote me this one

and i am giving this for you

becouse ...u changed me so much..made me fell human again

Because you are my friend
Because you are my friend,

my life is enriched in a myriad of ways.

Like a cool breeze on a sweltering day,

like a ray of sunshine parting glowering clouds,

you lift me up.

In good times, we soar,like weightless balloonsover neon rainbows.

In bad times, you are soothing balmfor my pummeled soul.

I learn so much from you;you help me see old things in new ways.

I wonder if you are awareof the bright seeds you are sowing in me.

I'm a better person for knowing you,so that everyone I interact withis touched by your good effect on me.

You relax me,

refresh me,

renew me.

Your bounteous heart envelops mein joy and love and peace.

May your life be filledwith dazzling blessings,

just as I am blessedby being your friend.

PS.Forever your Friend , Forever your confident Sister now ..and ever until the end ..

An Apology

Dear Carmen,

Sister you might have hurt me just now but what.... I did to you after was utterly despeakable. I don't know what got into me, maybe it was work exhaustion and the stress of weathering your emotional blows magnifiying to extreme proportions what tiny grieviances I have against you. I will never know, for I know I've just lost every bit of trust you have placed in me for good reason - I'm no better than the people we both despise and tread underfoot.

I'm a hypocrite, and I was unabashedly arrogant that I could help you, a person so different from myself facing different trials, by forcing you to adopt my ideals in life. That's what I ended up doing, and you just sat and cried like you never did in years... all for nothing... because I feel I'm worth nothing to you anymore.

If I am no longer your friend and sister, I accept your judgement.

Fearing for My Sanity ....

I ... really dont know
wath happend yesterday
i felt like i was dying
my mom had an atack and i had to go to a hospital
with her
we went when u left
for work........i couldnt give u a note and i got pissed my self ......
i ........dont know waths going on with me .....
im sorry
if i hurt ...i know i hurt you ..........i can feel it .....i.......fell lost again.....
dont hate me becouse of that ..........my health is not that good too ........but dont worry ..
im going to ok.......Sorry for ruin your mood ......-_-

Fearing for my sanity,

I shed my shirt and tie,

Walked out on my rectitude

And waved myself goodbye.
I did precisely as I pleased,

Said only what was true;

Cared not a whit whom I might hurt

Or what debts might be due;
Chose my orbit on my own

And lived by my own light,

Hurtling through the gravities

That rule the lidless night;
Unknowing in my innocence

The iron laws that be

,And that the more

I worked my will,

The less I would be free.

Reply from Varghese

You were great, thank you very much Carmen! And I never could have realised my downward spiral had you not opened my eyes to the world, that there are better things worth fighting for than merely being a slave to a society that pays no mind to rewarding its key supporters' contributions.

I wrote this letter for them to think about. I trust that they are at least, intelligent enough to recognise the lessons they have to learn in order to keep up with the New World's progress. This is not imperial Vespanola.

Don't be happy for me too soon my love, for I still have a constable's training to attend to next week. I will try my best, but if the unfortunate occurs please do not be surprised at my incompetence!

But I guess being a private policeman has been my life's true calling all along - I realised that in assisting you last week on your... secret admirer problem. I am glad my concept of an undercover operation worked out perfectly the first attempt, and am even more honoured to serve under your command in our extended family.

You can forget about me disappearing for weeks on end running the restaurant full-time 12 or more hours per day because they have "no staff". This new job entitles me 4 off-days per week in exchange for my commitment as a trained professional. I am very happy with my colleagues and manager, for they are all capable ex-military/police veterans.

I will see you soon my dear - for I have much to learn in this new life with you!

Copy of Varghese's resignation letter attached:

------------

Dear Sir.

As your humble servant for the past 1 year and 3 months I write to you to apologise for the problems I apparently seem to cause at my place of work recently.

Come next month my career would span 500 days in Cafe Konditorei and this is my first ever period of medical leave taken. In the past year I would go to work even when having fever or serious cough because I know that no one can take my place in the service crew and that I don't have enough vis to consult a doctor myself and continue to support my rental, bills and family. Luckily my family has provided me a fine steed or else public transport will be much slower and more expensive.

The horse is even used for regular despatch runs to other outlets in order to rapidly requisition stock on demand.

All this full-time commitment I realise is taken for granted, because just from one spell of medical leave I get accused of many things, leading to constant spam of my mailbox on my rest day. I never replied, I just about fainted on my bed when I reached home Tuesday evening. And I remember seeking TWO managers' permission to rest the day because of my worsening condition at work. I shouldn't have went to work after my fingers were badly cut at home while preparing food for my mother. I lost a lot of blood, and the wounds were not properly closed, yet I rode my horse to work through serious peak hour traffic jams on the Reboldeux to Porto Coimbra to make it for the 9-5 shift on Tuesday. Between overladen convoy wagons. High speed following Reboldeux infamous couriers from hell, holding the reins with on my right hand grand total of TWO working fingers.

I opened the shop and realised how bad my condition was; not only the dressing on my fingers were soaked through with discharge, it was painful when I touched anything and blood loss weakened me considerably. I reported this to the morning manager who was gracious enough to put me on service floor duty for lunchtime.

But even that was hell for it was a full-house period and I literally RAN the entire session holding the tray on my right arm and serving with the left. My arm was literally dead cramped (physician said nerve damage) and I couldn't use my hand at all so I supported the tray with my forearm.

After 2 hours of that I was gradually losing strength and realised if it went on like this.. I would eventually faint. Bar staff demanded I start topping things up for her, which I did with some assitance from our part time waitstaff, and since I could not contribute to service, I went to register today's in-stock.

All the while I realised that as soon as it was not busy, everyone gathered around the cashier area talking including the managers.

And so I waited assuming that when the night shift manager arrived my medical condition will be attended to. Fat hope. I was duly forgotten amid the merry making and I had to specifically instruct the manager on duty regarding the seriousness of my condition.

I made a tactical decision then. I can let my condition worsen until the point where I could not safely ride a horse, or I can transport myself to a clinic as soon as possible. Apparently it seems initiative is a four letter word to our management team, as I notice from the last 6 months of work.

Oh, and it was extremely insulting to finally have the medical chit and everyone started a huge hoo-hah regarding "management" of medical leave - that I should take the next day on medival leave so I can have a free holiday. I told them I didn't care, I needed aid right now, so removing me from another half an hour of suffering. Getting surrounded by 5 or 6 staff talking nonsense. Incredible display of professionalism. Not.

Finally I got my leave, and I could transport myself to any physician I wanted. Instead of nearby Merchant Street I picked Esparanza Way because it would be closer to the stables. This is a more practical choice than a long walk later considering my worsening condition. A matter that was later obviously misunderstood as my condition being not as serious as it was.

So there was peace, I hoped - the physician reassured me that since the cut had sealed itself I didn't have much to worry about besides infection and the effects of blood loss and nerve damage on my fingers leading to terrible feedback on my arms (as aforementioned in lunch peak period).

He graciously gave me 2 days off.. I was seriously down since the morning and I didn't lie to anyone. He was the first person who took my sufferring seriously and gave me correct medical advise.

And I returned home, had a small dinner, wrote to the shop regarding my situation, went to sleep... but next dawn I was greeted with the house servant dropping a vertiable pile of hate mail on my desk. Huh? I explained myself already.

Very gracious to treat a wounded man like a slave who has to serve until his death. I, by the way, never woke up until a very, very long time later the next day. And saw all the hate mail from various people on my desk demanding why I had 2 days medical leave. As though I was the doctor. If I were I wouldn't be working in a restaurant.

And thus I would like to tender my resignation with immediate effect, for it was never part of my ambition in the New World to sacrifice so much and be seen as nothing more than a doormat even after 400 plus days of loyal service. Not only did I go beyond the call of duty many, many times during my tenure in this fine chain of restaurants, I also promoted the good name of the Cafe to many family and friends including those disheartened by the high dropout rate of trainees in this company for my batch of interns (of 21, only 3 survive).

It appears that, and maybe a couple hundred customer compliments in a year isn't enough for my management, and so I have decided to sail forth for new horizons. I already am welcomed with open arms from some of our competitors in the restaurant business as well as companies of other trades.

Why should I tolerate more abuse from undereducated managers who do not know how to nurture their staff but use every means at their disposal to destroy them? Oh, they won all right, I will let them win. Because this war isn't worth 950 vis a month - if the same treatment were to be bestowed on all our staff (and I am a fan of madame Florence my favourite trainer and her harsh and efficient methods!) then I am fine with it, we can see that the management team has a reason for being as they are. It creates a team of battle-hardened soldiers, in time. Just like my first year.

But now, I can say that I was under a lot of artificial stress ever since, long time ago, you mentioned my potential for promotion openly to my colleagues. It's quite charming, really, to be blamed for every single problem in the outlet and be ordered frequenrtly to do things that I never had any training for, or rather, half-hearted training that leads to the trainer disappearing for some social activities in the kitchen later, never following up with practical sessions to hammer down the trainee's competence.

Finally after so many months I get to enjoy professional bar captain training, and even that, as I've feedbacked in HQ, degenerated to the trainer favouring the foreign students and constantly harrassing me during peak hour where initiative (translated to speed) is life. So don't blame me if I am a slow worker. No one ever notices when I go into "assault" mode in both the service floor and fountain duty.

And so, I shall take my leave, with sincere thanks to your guidance and leadership sir. It could have turned out as we intended it to be had our full-time veteran staffs not treated my potential and enthiusiasm as a threat to their very existence. They, I understand, would like to suppress certain trainees and develop others fully so they can have their own social club at work, and in time, an organisation based purely on perfect personal relationships with everyone thinking alike.

I shudder at the thought of working in such an organisation, stunted and boring as its genetic pool would be - no creativity and huge resistance to change. That's why I stopped learning once I got promoted to Supervisor!

Well, I think I shall go make myself a manager now! Farewell!

I'm not waiting 2 weeks. I've already waited almost 500 days for people to realise that we have to work together to make this business a success. And no, I can't be persuaded to return. Ever.

Yours Sincerely,
Varghese Sivarja (who was once trusting of this organisation to make his dreams come true)
Cafe Konditorei Reboldeux

Prayers...Were rewarded my dear ..Varghese..

Dear Varghese

My wish did realized ...sooner than i toughted..

my prayers were for you and my family

Im really happy today

knowing that u fought for your dream

and fought the hell

Im really happy for you

Congratulations on your job :)

P.S- I hope u did enjoyed my massage ..*blushes*

Assault Leader

Dear Vanda,

It was the most amazing battle today in the pioneering world, and I, your desert prince, was at the spearhead of it all.

Colonial intelligence have pinpointed several sources of native resistance hampering our expansion efforts and one of them was pinpointed to the Tetra Avernus area, a maze approximately a kilometre long originating from the Golden Road vaults.

As the nearest active policing force in the area Sivarja family was assigned to raid this target before the enemy moved. Being the close quarters combat (CQC) specialist of the party I was given the authority to plan for, equip, train and then execute the assault plan.

Since this is a CQC situation most likely against large numbers of demons I selected the classic longsword and shield combination, as there are times we needed to weather enemy attacks in order to ready our anti-demon grenades that Rosa so loves. Varghese, instead of standing by as the team's support medic, wielded daggers in support of the main attack; we could ill afford to be overwhelmed by demons if we could have an extra man with us fighting them. If teammates were injured he was simply called to attend to them promptly.


Carmen would be happy that he is a fighter as capable as myself!


As noted in our initial probing attacks, our standard defensive advance doctrine does not work in Avernus. There are just too many of them. Once you stop advancing, they swarm you. And did you notice? There are no rewards for killing many of them. So long as their leader is alive, they will continue to gather.


And so it was the 3 of us versus probably a thousand of them; I do not know, I would not care to count. Why we won is simply this - demons have no sense of community and spare no thought in supporting their fellow demon. So we could, once we took some combat drugs, sprint past them at what seems to be lightning speed and they'd give up pursuing us after a while leaving us clear to face the next vault of demons. The main concern we had was maintaining a reserve of firepower in order to protect us from unexpected tactical developments especially in this mission; attacks from behind. I did not want anyone shot in the back and that is where Varghese played his part - the reserve assault role that exploits enemy weaknesses once battle is joined. Otherwise he watched our rear ensuring we were not surprised. Cutting a bloody swath through demon hordes at lightning speed like Bristian storm troopers we soon found ourselves facing a magnificent golden-horned gargoyle, 20 feet of glistening, rippling solid muscle in the final cavern.






And unlike what anyone else would do we just turned our backs on him, advancing back along our entry route to clear away any demon pursuit, before attacking along the perimeter of the room slaying the demon lord's hapless servants like they were game animals. Eventually he had to get off his mighty throne looking for trouble and that's when we unleashed the full might of our team on him. See Rosa, a love for attention can be fatal!


I charged this monstrosity not caring for my safety, and ended up below the towering beast somewhat -ahem- between his legs. Maybe that's a vulgar trick, but it sure worked on the monster, who just about bent over trying to swipe me away. Not a chance. A few stabs at the lower abdomen and slashes to both thighs was all it took to permanently unbalance the huge humanoid, while Rosa's incendiary grenade launcher repeatedly found the gargoyle's head and Varghese's seemingly inexhaustible supply of throwing daggers impaled the creature's weak spots to devastating effect. He fell in less than a minute.


We returned to Porto Coimbra parading this huge golden horn on our shoulders, and two pioneers decided to join our cause just from seeing our triumphant return, unscatched from our trip to the gates of hell.


Brunie, estate agent, is an expert pistol duelist while Idge is a well known blacksmith who also gifted us a complete suit of armour for me. How sweet!


I hope that this quaint tale will entertain you until we get to meet, white cloud of my dreams.

- With Love

Fairuz


p.s. I know what you would tell me regarding consumption of combat drugs. I believe, with the right rehabilitation and detoxification methods after missions, that they are safe for use given responsible administration by trained personnel. They really save lives out there in combat with those mighty beasts.

For Fai From Vanda ...

Dear Fai i had the most sweet dream..about two days ago...Inside of the dream i found you ..

With a black costume given by the queen ...that reflected the sunshine on your sweet face ..the sky was so bright ..and the queen came to congratulate us from driving the Phobiton Hords ..atempting to destroy Reboldoux and Port of coimbra..and as a gift she gave us a royal ship ..and you named the ship My Cloud ..After some hours after the ball...we went on a trip to the sea of elephant ...its was wonderfull...Then u held me in your arms while we are watching the sunset ...Ohhh i still remember my love.. i remember the colors .they were so beautifull that bring me tears to my eyes..After some time ..u held my hand and i looked at your eyes ...and you gave me a warm kiss...after that ..the dream ended and its was almost time for me to go for work :)

I wished ..that that dream didnt had to end *blushes*

Porto Bello to Auch Land Route Survey

That was one long walk up the desolate coast of the Sea of Elephants through the region known as the Deserted Quay. It really is.



For anyone following this currently untamed route a large number of incendiary grenades and anti-armour weapons are highly desirable due to aggressive native activity. If you fought your way through them seeking to annihilate you will not win for they are very tough opponents, so do like we did and keep your momentum up by evading them with superior footwork; they are so slow you can run rings around them with ease. But stop to engage in a traditional defense and they will slowly surround you and that is fatal.



This is an old map of the region in the Orpesian language.



Now imagine a solo despatch on horseback through the area. I used to do that as a junior pioneer. While I am proud to be able to do high speed runs through such hazardous areas with ease, I am glad to have stopped doing so in the interests of risk management. We have, after all, the Leonardo Expreso today. In any case I did not want to disappear one day, Carmen, like the rest of your old friends.



May their souls rest in peace...

For Rosa..From Carmen :)

Dear Rosa...this wath i feel about our friendship .

More Than Any-Thing

There’s always someone to support you

It's hard to give you

As much support And caring as I

like When we live so far apart

More than any-thing

I wish I could there now

To listen if you feel like talking

To go for a walk or a movie

If you feel like doing something

To get your mind off

what’s going on More than any-thing

I wish I could be there

To give you a big warm hug

Or to help you find things To lighten your spirit

Maybe even make you laugh

But even though I can't be with you now

I hope my caring Can cross the miles

That separates us and fill a special corner

In your heart with peace

With love from your dear sister Carmen ...

I'm ok

And I am still here to serve my favourite sister.

Truth be told I never had someone like you always by my side, ever sincere and trustworthy. I am obliged to return the favour, like I've told you many times, even if I wanted to be unfair to you what would I gain from it?

I did not realise it was that time of the month for you and thought you were acting all wierd. Now I understand... and I'm sure that during my periods you would notice some changes in my behaviour as well.

It might be embarrassing to share such personal details openly but I believe we have nothing to hide from each other having gone through all this trouble to ensure that we would be, in one way or another, always available to each others' families should we need any help or good company no matter what we are going through in life.

I'm very honored that we can actually speak our minds to each other without fear of discrimination or other nonsense that literally degenerates our civilised world into a barbarian community. I would not think of sharing my life with anyone else but you Carmen.

Please rest well, I will visit you as soon as I can. While you recover from your fever I will help with training Adelina and Peter. I was very glad you attached Vanir to them as their mentor too, he was a great help to me yesterday. I hurt my fingers badly halfway through the training session but I'm fine now thanks to him. Call me a masochist but I enjoy such pains for it keeps me humble and appreciative of my present company.

As a closing note I would like to say that I'm really sorry if your high fever was caused by all your worrying about me... Know that I will repay you for every bit of everything you do for me, and I will not be satisfied with any other arrangement. I give credit where it is due.

p.s.

I really loved the verses you sent. Praytell who wrote it? It is truly a work of art.

Im Sorry Rosa...

Dear Rosa....i ...once again failed to you my sister....

Its like the demon inside of me was controlling me........yes it was.....somehow i lost myself there

but thanks to you ...hes gone and im ok now....im sorry if i made you sad or angry ...i didnt mean to do that........im really sorry ......i had some flashbacks there .....and my tears started falling ..i couldnt controll them .......today i went outside and i meet a friend ..and he wrote me this .....to me ..and now i am giving this to you .........sister dont leave .....if i fail again call me to reason like u did yesterday....please......

I'm O.K.
I'll admit I'm slightly troubled
and there are times I'm downright sad
When I think back on things that happened
and some of those were really bad

But I'm O.K., I tell you truly
I'm alive, and that's alot
I'm better off than some old buddies
Yeah I'm alive, and they are not

There are times I dream about them
But mostly now, I only sleep
I'm telling you I'm doing fine now
Why should I think 'bout things so deep
I never cry, cause that's not manly

It's not the way that I was taught
And what the hell, it's all behind me
I've put aside just what we've fought
I can't remember all the reasons
There had to be some, I suppose

I do remember, for God and country
but it was more than only those
I lost some friends, for lofty reasons
and they are now forever gone

But I'm O.K., Yeah, I'm still living
But sometimes, God, I'm so alone.

Carmen I'm hurt bad...

Dear Carmen,

Please understand that I can't take much more emotional abuse any longer.

As a friend and your sister in arms I just would like you to know that I have no qualms sacrificing myself for you like this for it brings joy to me to help you with your pains, to be the one you can throw your blames and worries on so you do not have to bear those burdens in your heart.

But I feel really terrible after last night. It doesn't help that everyone's just avoiding me like that when I say I would like to talk.

Please understand, that I'm merely human, and I need you to live too.

I'm sorry if I'm being unreasonable, I cannot say anything else at this time.

Reply from Varghese

Hello Carmen,

This is my first ever letter to you. I'm not very good with words so bear with me.

Well what can I say - Rosa told me last night about your past and I was shocked that the woman who wants to be with me had gone through so much suffering. I cannot imagine what a year of depression is like, nor the sorrow one feels after she had sailed half the world from love only to observe his funeral.

I cannot believe how you can survive all that and still remain the capable professional that you are. Or maybe, that's how you shield yourself from the cruelty of this world - to not have any feelings. Regardless, Rosa's sharing makes me respect you even more, for you've been betrayed so many times in your life by your former suitors and yet you dare to let me feel what it is like to hold a woman in my arms.

I've never experienced love before, but if I am worthy I would stay with you forever, you are that pillar of strength that I so desperately need to survive. And such a strong woman! It doesn't matter if you do not want me; I am content just having you our clan's guardian angel agains the horrors of this realm.

Call on me anytime Carmen my love, for hearing your sad tale has made me all but your humble servant for all eternity.

How I feel ......

Ahhh dear sister, sometimes i dont understand myself, i try to fight my fears

and my sorrows, but i now realize it will be hard to fight them back , and sometimes i just .....want quit everything , and myself...maybe im not making sence , but thats is how i feel,

i tried many time to give up on my life , but somehow you changed me for better

beeing your friend ........is a blessing ....for a person that only had 4 friends, i just.....wished to strong like you ...call me crazy but its true , its like if i needed help before i meet you , and inside of me i scream for help , but no one could help me like hugo and cristina and you helped me , trough this game i gain a good friend that i trust the most now , i was once a person that couldnt trust on ppl , i was cold and selfish , but now im changed and i want to continue live every day more and more than anything else ....

"Time "

Time heals all pain

Time can bring you loss or gain

Time waits for none it seems

Time gives me time to heal

Time washes away the old

Time reveals things untold

Time can also cleans the soul

Time is all we need

Time can age you, make you or break you

Time can stand still

Time can flyTime is inevitable for you and for me .

I'm tired...

Not so tired that I can't accompany my sister-in-arms in our day together, but because life for me had changed so much in a day that even I cannot believe my good fortune.

A simple change in how I viewed others enabled me to enjoy and be fully productive in this day of work in pioneering support. I know not what or where the changes were, but simply accepting criticism and challenges, justifying use of one's authority with results, and then sharing one's fruits of success with others allowed me to make many friends recently as opposed to my seemingly unchangable lone wolf stature.

In the past I could use authority as a weapon and successfully instruct others in my methods, but I lacked respect from society for being cold and reserved especially when they attempt to communicate with me. The result is a one-way flow of information which severely stunts the potential of individuals and organisations alike.

Just staying calm when challenged, and responding to it with lively wit and appropriate response suddenly makes me a good example to everyone; so is not making assumptions of others and stereotyping them based on some bad experiences in the past. Now I understand why leaders should be impartial. And first impressions are important - my innocent-eyed curious responses to strangers' first meetings today just about shocked them senseless because they expected just the opposite from one such as myself! Even if I will not partake in anything more than a professional working relationship with them it makes a huge difference if I appeared that I was willing to listen to what they have to say.

To cut the long story short I'm worried that I have to start dividing my attention between several parties; just now for instance I was teaching some of my staff how to ride - my past mounted despatch assignments deep into unfamiliar native territory has finally attracted desirable attention!

But I promise this sister, that even if I have to split my priorities, in our time together it shall be you and only you on my mind. After all, it is only fair, that if I hate being the target of halfhearted attention (as the other party doesn't know how to manage multiple conversations), that I devise countermeasures for such problems before they even think of raising their ugly heads. I'm not a part-time mentor, Carmen, and I learn as much from you as what I bestow upon your fine self.

I will just say that it took years to be able to write such a letter rebuilding my life after my coma.

p.s. Sivarja's surviving Cesario veterans Adelina and Florence will be arriving in Illier later today. We must be doing something good and proper here, for them to pick Illier instead of their dreamland Orpesia, as their retirement home! Although the two ladies were shifted to the rear lines a long time ago as administrative officers to preserve their knowledge for training new cadres of military pioneers, Florence remains our family's fencing master and should be able to boost our dueling capabilities significantly.

Rosa this is for you my Dear ...

"In Her Eyes"

She stares through my shadow

She sees something more

Believes there's a light in me

She is sure

And her truth makes me stronger

Does she realize

I awake every morning

With her strength by my side

I am not a hero

I am not an angel

I am just a manMan who's trying to love her

Unlike any other

In her eyes I am

This world keeps on spinning

Only she stills my heart

She's my inspiration

She's my northern star

I don't count my possession

All I call mine

I will give her completely

To the end of all time

I am not a hero

I am not an angel

I am just a manMan

who's trying to love her

Unlike any otherIn her eyes I am

In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need

In her eyes time passes by and she is with me

I am not a hero

I am not an angel

I am just a manMan who's trying to love her

Unlike any other

In her eyes I am

In her eyes I am

______________________With Love Vanir _______________________

Hand of Sorrow

Dear Carmen,

This is for you and Fai. Meaningful versus for our clan's past, and Fai's as well. And it was good to fight by your side again in today's patrol mission to Porto Bello. I could not have handled that foul place alone.

Long ago he was but a slave trader on the Cesarian coast who fell victim to our anti-slaver patrols and Florence Sivarja out of rage for human immorality just about enslaved him in turn. Fairuz would prove to be a capable mercenary under our service and proved himself a trustworthy soldier many times yet we never made any effort to forgive his past and saw him as less than human.

For 5 years he endured this torture alone never uttering a single word of complaint, then when our families met Vanda Shenmui befriended him out of pity. I was very angry, to tell the truth, my man being spirited away like that, never will he be loyal to me again, I tried to separate them both but they just found more ways to evade my security to the point that he almost never slept and gradually became inept in his duties.

I should have just let him go then, but I insisted on putting even more artificial pressure and something just came alive in him; we fought and I came out the loser and well, I had to let him do what he wanted.

I don't mind speaking for myself as the villianess here, for I am too young to hold a post of leadership. Yet circumstances demanded it so I had to put up a strong front and just go ahead and dare to play my role for there is no other who can lead our clan in Illier; to build a new world for ourselves out of the ruins of the old.

Imperfect as I am, I learn... and I have to give credit to you, Carmen, for guiding me on the right paths.

So.. heres a dedicaton in thanks to you and Fairuz. And also the Los Condenados frontier infantry unit - 28 our of 30 military families simply perished in service to the Crown in the Cesario campaign.

And I admit we left many good friends out on the vine to die - Falencia, Ithlandos, many others. I killed them all. Didn't I Carmen... I'm no better than those we fight against.

-Rosa

--------------

Hand of Sorrow

Within Temptation

The child without a name grew up to be the hand

To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand

The choice he´d made he could not comprehend

His blood a grim secret they had to command

He´s torn between his honor and the true love of his life

He prayed for both but was denied

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

The curse of his powers tormented his life

Obeying the crown was a sinister price

His soul was tortured by love and by pain

He surely would flee but the oath made him stay

He´s torn between his honor and the true love of his life

He prayed for both but was denied

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

Please forgive me for the sorrow, for leaving you in fear

For the dreams we had to silence, that´s all they´ll ever be

Still I´ll be the hand that serves you

Though you´ll not see that it is me

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed

Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?

So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?

Will all our sins be justified?

"A Song For Fai "

My dear Fai

this is a song for you

it means so much

i hope u like it =)

"There For Me"

There for me, every time I've been away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

Just think of you and me, we could never tow the line

It's such a mystery just to hear you say you're mine

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me

When you're feeling cold and all the city streets are grey

Walking all alone and watching how the children play

Voices in the wind and faces from the past go dancing by

They're asking why

Will you be there for me, everytime I go away

Will you be there for me, thinking of me everyday

Are you my destiny, words I never dared to say

Will you be there for me?

And while you're close to me, so close to me

Just hold me

Can you really want me more than for a little while?

What are the stories hiding there behind your smile?

Wishes in a dream and figures in a world that I could share

And everywhere

Will you be there for me

Will there ever come a day when all the world can see

Things were meant to be that way

Will you be there for me?

Can you hear the people say

That you're just

There for me

There for me

There for me ....

Yes Fai ! I want to be there for you as long as you want to ..

How are you?

Dear Carmen,

How are you doing? You have not written to us in a while and we get more worried day by day. Your junior family members spend their break times at the docks waiting for your return. I know I am anxious myself, but trust that my sister is a competent professional who is trying her best to return to us.

Thus far things are going well in the home front with the training of your new recruits, especially Peter who is rapidly becoming a younger version of Fairuz; he is a very powerful fighter already. The rest I unfortunately had not the privledge to observe their development for I was called up to do extended service with the Office of P.S. after one of our logistics management teams (really its more convoy security than logistics management) went missing along the Midnight Express overland route from Reboldeux to Porto Coimbra. And in short order we rode out with a platoon of light cavalry to go search for them.

So I did see the ruins of Al Quelt Moreza again after so many years; wildlife inflicted with Dios Lantem's curse still roam about the countryside but never in the horrid numbers encountered by the founders of Los Condenados. Squads of novice pioneers effectively keep those overgrown rabid animals at bay far from the convoy routes and at the same time deter thieves and brigands; our despatch team couldn't have been lost in this region so we proceeded north towards the Cathari Falls and the King's Garden after spending the night in one of Al Quelt's deserted vaults long since cleared of undead infestations.

p.s.
I might as well break the news to you now. I'm now an officer of pioneering support, and I couldn't have done it without you, sister!

p.s.s.
Fairuz misses Vanda dearly and wrote this poem:

When I'm lonely

I lay on the field so grassy

And look into the heavens

And there see I you

The white cloud of my heart

As you can see he is very bored.

We pray for your safety Carmen. Be back soon.

Making a Living

Dear Carmen,

Do you think we rely too much on each other? As soon as we finished our weekend together I found I had little in the way of motivation except to complete whatever tasks assigned to my person so I can meet your great family again.

On the other hand I am glad that I have taken the first steps to converting the Sivarjan family from a military to corporate stance, for that will provide us with long term stability and a steady source of income.

I kind of enjoy my work in the office of pioneering support, even if I am the victim of much discrimination and always misunderstood. That's because unlike most of the office's employees, I actually hail from the pioneering profession! Only the senior managers and supervisors accept me as a person; the rest see my knowledge as a threat to their very existence and impose some sort of social isolation on me as though loneliness would break my will. It doesn't, just gives me peace of mind to do whatever I want - including getting rid of certain big-mouthed individuals who prove to be no more than grovelling serfs once I am promoted to the same level.

But it does get distressing. Like today. I went to work, everyone had their partners chatting merrily, I had to manage some logistics arrangements alone after the manager on duty just about went "ROSA DO THIS NOW" then snapped back to chatting the next moment... sigh

After several hours of that I just about got fed up of it all and refused to dine with my colleagues. Especially after some of them asked if anything was wrong at seeing me pack up and go. I ignored them. I wanted them to realise something. I went to sit on this hilltop overlooking the colony, hair flying free in the wind... and that's when my aide literally galloped right up to me and handed me Vanir's poem which almost instantly reversed my fate for this otherwise sad and boring day.

Now I shall wait a few hours for him to return. I pray that he does, every time. This "new" world is a very cruel place. That much I concluded from standing in for your police work in the Tetra Catacombs this dawn as you attend to the Queen's errands. It was an eye opener, to experience the kind of work you do firsthand. I have already despatched the mission report to your family, I hope I did fine.