I'm tired...

Not so tired that I can't accompany my sister-in-arms in our day together, but because life for me had changed so much in a day that even I cannot believe my good fortune.

A simple change in how I viewed others enabled me to enjoy and be fully productive in this day of work in pioneering support. I know not what or where the changes were, but simply accepting criticism and challenges, justifying use of one's authority with results, and then sharing one's fruits of success with others allowed me to make many friends recently as opposed to my seemingly unchangable lone wolf stature.

In the past I could use authority as a weapon and successfully instruct others in my methods, but I lacked respect from society for being cold and reserved especially when they attempt to communicate with me. The result is a one-way flow of information which severely stunts the potential of individuals and organisations alike.

Just staying calm when challenged, and responding to it with lively wit and appropriate response suddenly makes me a good example to everyone; so is not making assumptions of others and stereotyping them based on some bad experiences in the past. Now I understand why leaders should be impartial. And first impressions are important - my innocent-eyed curious responses to strangers' first meetings today just about shocked them senseless because they expected just the opposite from one such as myself! Even if I will not partake in anything more than a professional working relationship with them it makes a huge difference if I appeared that I was willing to listen to what they have to say.

To cut the long story short I'm worried that I have to start dividing my attention between several parties; just now for instance I was teaching some of my staff how to ride - my past mounted despatch assignments deep into unfamiliar native territory has finally attracted desirable attention!

But I promise this sister, that even if I have to split my priorities, in our time together it shall be you and only you on my mind. After all, it is only fair, that if I hate being the target of halfhearted attention (as the other party doesn't know how to manage multiple conversations), that I devise countermeasures for such problems before they even think of raising their ugly heads. I'm not a part-time mentor, Carmen, and I learn as much from you as what I bestow upon your fine self.

I will just say that it took years to be able to write such a letter rebuilding my life after my coma.

p.s. Sivarja's surviving Cesario veterans Adelina and Florence will be arriving in Illier later today. We must be doing something good and proper here, for them to pick Illier instead of their dreamland Orpesia, as their retirement home! Although the two ladies were shifted to the rear lines a long time ago as administrative officers to preserve their knowledge for training new cadres of military pioneers, Florence remains our family's fencing master and should be able to boost our dueling capabilities significantly.